Extreme Adventures in Motherhood (and life and knitting and photography and trying to keep a house with 3 boys from smelling like a locker room!)

My Beagle Has “Issues” What a Shock.
Sami. Sami the Dog…..

She’s our dog. We all love her. She sits on my feet- and keeps them warm, she plays with Noah as if her were a BIG puppy (I think He may be…) She goes camping with us—- and misbehaves. It’s fun. SHe’s also the fattest Beagle in the world. Like almost 40 lbs. And built like a tank. She’s awesome. And CRAZY.

The truth is she’s quite neurotic.

Aside from the “typical” Beagle personality… sweet- happy, loving and stubborn…. add “nervous spaz” to her list of character traits.

We live in a neighborhood without fences. That’s new to me. (And I don’t get it) Although— I guess the view out the back window is kind of nice and “pastoral” (in a site-condo, houses built on top of each other, and we share a “common” drainage area full of cat tails… kind of way…)

Apparently it’s new to Sami as well…and, I think it freaks her out. Though, we’ve had her since she was just 16 weeks old…She still doesn’t seem to “get it”….

Anyway- she spends A LOT of time (read- sometimes hours at a time- between bouts of running in and out) standing at the doorwall- barking hysterically at every animal that comes into view. (Her VIEW- WE see nothing, — it’s entirely possible they are invisible, or imaginary… I haven’t found a “doggy shrink” to prove this out yet.. (No- I’m not looking for one) (Now- granted- occasionally a skunk will wander thru— DON’T ASK, or a possum– or a big fat racoon that loves dog food) But usually- there is nothing foreboding.

Sami gets this crazed look on her pretty doggy face—- and acts as though aliens were attacking— or wild beasts are glaring into the kitchen- awaiting their opportunity to attack, and kill or mame us all.

Sami is loyal. Sami wants to protect us. (albeit- from NOTHING!) It’s a “DOG Thing”

Ummm… maybe not JUST a DOG thing…. Sometimes I think I do the same thing…..

Well, maybe not the EXACT same thing—- I’d be locked up by now if that were true…. but sometimes- in my fierce loyalty… I think I respond to things like they are attacks—- when really they are just fat little raccoons who like to eat dog food…. or wandering skunks.

At this point- I don’t always bare my teeth and growl, but I FEEL like it. I notice that it’s worse at certain “times”… ummm of the month, and in certain seasons… like if I am struggling with a certain relationship or insecurity… then everything- or everyone- who wanders thru my emotional “yard” may be on the receiving end of my “barking thru the window” ( thru the window- if their LUCKY— face to face if not!).

I wonder if Sami feels like it’s her job to be “defender of those ( ideas, people) she loves”

I do.

Maybe Sami and I need “SUPERHERO” Capes— or suits with our “SUPER LOYAL Names” on our chests…… I can be Super “My Church is the Best Woman”, Or “My friends Do No Wrong Woman” (They don’t- they are perfect… well- ok, not PERFECT— but they are WONDERFUL!) Or I could be…..”My ideas about how things SHOULD be done, are RIGHT Woman”

Sami can be “Super Dog to the Rescue—- Saving the Solomon Family Universe from Nothing Dangerous , Dog”

Maybe I’ll learn two color knitting- and knit the capes. Probably NOT.

I guess my point is:

I’m feeling challenged to appreciate loyalty, to recognize it as a wonderful trait, both in me- in Sami, and others, and also to learn not to waste my time “barking at nothing” cause well— everything isn’t an attack— somethings are just randomly walking thru my unfenced yard.

Dear Jesus- I love you- and I ask you for wisdom to know what really is an attack, and what isn’t— please help me to see when I’m just being crazy like Sami, barking at imaginary attackers… and when I really do need to move in a protective way, or when I just need to back off- and let you fight and defend. (What a novel thought, huh? ) sorry- for stepping in when I shouldn’t, I Love you- Lord- and thank you for using even Neurotic Sami- to teach me more about myself and you! amen!

I’m adding another Diagnosis to my on going list, kind of my own- personal project:
DSMV-IV for Christianity. Like the original DSMV-IV it will serve to help identify all the ways that Christians, in particular- are crazy… (in the general dysfunctional sense- not the clinical sense— I’ll leave that to the experts.)

The actual DSMV-IV Is actually, a good read… If you want to find out how crazy you, and EVERYONE you know is……(It’s the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders- basically used by mental health workers to “code” clients for insurance… oh— and a tool to help with developing effective treatment plans….blah blah…)

For fun: Here’s the real one…..DSMV-IV)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0890420254/qid=1144327542/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-0456853-1961664?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

It will take time for my own to reach publication……in the meantime—– the next entry will be:

CCD- Culturally Confused Disorder: A disorder by which- the sufferer becomes confused by their unique and chosen, surrounding micro-cultures- to the point at which they become irrelevant to the surrounding ,sometimes concentric micro- macro- culture (s) Occasionally, confusing to those in their other surrounding micro-cultures as well. Sufferer may be subject to using language that is not understood. Hence the CONFUSION is contagious.

It seems like- in our search for identity, we keep building “Micro-cultures” around us… you can find all kinds—–some are healthy— some, well, not so much. We create a “group” with which we can “Identify” (be and feel part of- to be “known” by) we create our own language—- our own standards- and rules for living and acceptance—-

OK- I totally think I made up the Micro-Macro culture thing, regardless- I think it’s true.

I read a couple of great and challenging blog entries that made great points about jargon/slang and language being confusing even limiting the effectiveness of communication.

The first one- looks at the WHY of jargon/slang’s development, and it’s usage in regards to exclusivity: (I love this woman)

http://praisemycreator.blogspot.com/

The second is a good example of languages’ generally confusing nature- I especially loved the line that said….

Is there any reason known?
To sum up all, it seems to me
Sound and letters don’t agree

(I like this- because- I am convinced- that sometimes- I hear the sounds of words— but miss their meaning…)

http://www.joethorn.net/

I’ve been thinking about it for a long time….About, CCD, I mean. And- I guess I am affected by it.

I love to learn… I say all the time— one of my general goals is to learn everything about everything…..in learning, reading listening— I heara lott of words. Taken out of the “Micro-cultures” understanding– the words are irrelevant, meaningless, confusing- even crazy sounding.

However, within- their cultural context, they are understood. (well- MOSTLY)

Here’s the thing I don’t get.

How can I relate to my surrounding “Micro-cultures” and still stay culturally relevant to the “Macro-cultures” I am also part of?????

See- I have chosen to identify myself- with a certain “micro-culture”… Well- really- I chose to IDENTIFY with Christ, and His followers. Part of identifying- is understanding the language- (sometimes the LINGO- or Jargon) in order to communicate and understand communications from others. In order to learn.

We also use culturally understood language, in order to communicate to the culture with which we identify.
(I need to be wearing my son’s “department of redundancy department” shirt.)

Sometimes, we use jargon to exclude certain listeners from understanding-( I do this — well ,I DID do this, with my kids when they were younger— you know—”talking OVER their heads”. Well, you THINK you are anyways—- until they all of a sudden respond to something you said- with total understanding—-then you switch tactics- fast!- the funny part of this—-now that my kids are TEENS—- they have had the same experiences with ME!!!! Thinking they are talking over my head, I mean)

Other times- we use it- in order to communicate, culturally understood ideas. Not necessarily to exclude- but to streamline communication, to kind of “standardize it”.

I guess I see myself as “Multi-Cultural” (well- I TRY anyways!) See, while I most strongly identify with a certain micro-culture—- I also operate in several OTHERS. At the same time…. you probably do too. This is where the CCD strikes……

How many Micro-cultures do I identify with???????

Hmmm lets see-

The “Christian Culture”
The “80’s Culture”— ( ummm it’s kind of where I’m from..)
The “Knitting culture”- (duh-there’ss’ a whole language we speak!)
The “Business culture”- not because I’m part— but because my husband and friends- are- and because I love them— I want to understand their “language”….
The “Parenting Preschoolers Culture”
The Parenting Teens Culture”
The “Parentingpreschoolerss Culture” (Can you say BOZ? Dora the Explorer? These have languages unto their own… like pullups- etc….)
“The SAHM Culture”
The “Online Culture”… LOL, AOL, ROFL,
The “Blogging Culture”
I used to be part of the “Homeschooling culture”

The list goes on, and on…..each one- with it’s own rules.. each one with it’s own language.

Then, there is the “Macro-Culture” of the country I live in,the US. (I speak English-as do most here.)

Then, there’s the “Macro-Generational Culture”, to which I belong……And the SUPER-Macro-Multi-Generational Culture in which I live…… (YES, I’m making this ALL UP- I think)

Crap. The truth is I am affected by- and need to communicate in SEVERAL different languages at ONCE!

I took French in jr-high and high school—– Like 6 years—–I remember almost NONE.

If I can’t remember ONE language that I’ve studied intentionally— HOW AM I SUPPOSED to navigate this??????? These are fluid, changing languages and cultures…….

The best plan I can come up with, is “knowing your audience” and speaking their language.

Jesus Did. (you knew I was gonna get to the God thing)

When Jesus told stories—- they were culturally relevant- to a farmer- he talked about farming- to religious leaders he talked about religious practices of the time… stuff that was culturally relevant. To whatever Micro-or macro-culture He was dealing with at the time.

I’m no Jesus- (duh- this we know) but I think I do ok communicating when I can identify WHO my audience is……But—-

Sometimes, there is a MULTI cultural audience– the blogosphere is a pretty good example of that. You just never know WHO your audience is. It really could be anyone… (well- or NO-ONE!)

What do you do then?

At this point- I’m just trying to avoid as much “cultural cliche’” as possible.

Sometimes- I find it’s a struggle—-see I am so entrenched in my “cultures” that I don’t always know HOW to communicate without the “languages” I’ve learned, and learned FROM. Sometimes I just assume people know what I’m talking about. My HUSBAND recently asked me who “DH” was.. when He was reading my blog. DH= Darling Husband. (I love him!)

I Recently sent out invites to a MOPS event—- and called it a “Network and Nosh” I had a couple of my awesomely authentic leaders say— after they had arrived— so Trace, what does “NOSH” mean? I just assumed- Nosh just means eat….. What a dork… assuming always gets me in trouble….

But so does assuming someone DOESN’T know what I mean— that can comes across as condescension. Something that drives me NUTS.

One of the cool things about communication- is that it requires 2 parties. There needs to be give-and take,in a conversation to assure clarification and understanding.

I GET that I’m not always clear— I GET that sometimes I become CCD—– And am affected with Cultural Confusion Disorder…..That I am prone to using language that is “irrelevant” to others- especially those who identify with other “micro-cultures” more strongly….

My blog is usually very conversational. (Umm in general- I’m pretty conversational… my report cards always said the same thing.. “Tracey talks too much in class”…..)

Here’s the thing- My HEART….my gut doesn’t want to EXCLUDE. I truly, just sometimes am at a loss for words that “translate”….Especially in regards to communicating about my journey with God.

I guess I need YOUR help.

See- I need you to ask questions— to help me clarify what I mean. If something sounds like “The Teacher from Charlie Brown” Has taken over my blog— you know (WHAH WHA WAH WAH wah…) Or I don’t make sense to you- please e-mail- comment- ask a question…….

I want to SHARE,not exclude. I want this to be a space for communication- not just Tracey “Spouting” irrelevant crap.

I’m suffering with a touch of CCD…. could you help with my “treatment plan?”

Call-me out when I use cliches’ that mean nothing - I’d appreciate the help. I LOVE communicatin’. I love learning new stuff- let me know what your thinkin—-

Oh— and I’ll let you know when my DSMV-IV for Christianity is going to print—— However- it will take some time.. as most of the Disorders I discover are IN ME. And- usually that takes awhile even to IDENTIFY!!!!!!

Dear Lord- I KNOW I suffer with CCD….. please help me to communicate clearly- and with love, in ALL the micro-cultures, macro-cultures in which I belong— and help me learn the languages of others—- just cause I don’t YET understand- doesn’t mean I don’t want too. I love you Lord- amen!

SP 7 reveal… oh and yes- I suppose this IS a knitting blog… sorry!

My SP 7 SPOILER— has been revealed! She is the brilliant- and quite wonderful Jersey Knitter!

http://jerseyknitter151.blogspot.com/

She has been nominated BEST SP7… mostly because she managed to locate and send me Holz and Stein Circs….( I still think It was a Jersey Knitter Mob connection— but can’t confirm…) and perfect yarn in each pkg- along with sweets. That’s the best for me!

My final pkg offered soft and yummy pink silk/mohair blend by SRK! And a Sweet Marzipan Lamb… and chocolates- which I ate on the way to Bay City this weekend for the MOPS Simulcast!

In the pics- you can see- that on the SAME day- I bought some of the new Debbie Bliss Silk— in pink- to make a summer weight Kiri. I cast on already—- the silk is gorgeous, smooth as — well ,duh- SILK I suppose!

I plan on using the silk/mohair with beads on the border…. but will have to experiment with that— we’ll see.

There are also some quick jnit- SLOWWWWWWW to felt Fiber Trends “Ballerina” slippers. I “borrowed” the rose pattern from Nicky Epsteins new felted bags book. The slippers were slow to felt— (like 6 washings so far…) because of a gauge issue. Well- because I subbed in a chunky weight yarn I’ve been wanting to try— “Ironstone” in a pretty charcoal gray. (pattern is for worsted wt) Then left the stitch cout the same- with out changes….. these puppies were HUGE. I mean HUGE even for felting projects.

Any way—- I’ll probably put them thru one more cycle— since I have tiny feet. then they should be fine. They will be perfect for cold mornings—- and should be durable— since they are like 1″ THICK!!!!

The roses are in Lambs Pride worsted— in a really great Purple.

Other updates-

The Simulcast was great-

My 10 minutes with the Mentors- went great. In the pics you can see Noah’s contribution to my talk. I ASKED him to dirty a mirror.

Funny- when I ASKED him to make something dirty—- he quickly lost interest.

I also had a clean mirror.

I opened with a challenge- to help me with some spring cleaning… (some one should do that at my HOME…. BTW;) I asked for someone to try to clean the ” Noahed” Mirror.

Noah had finger painted it with cherry syrup—– then I dusted it with flour—- and used the blow dryer to DRY it on.

It was NOT coming off.

I then talked about how we sometimes feel like we should “have it all together” (or at least make it look like we do—) when we mentor at MOPS. I challenged them—- do you spend all your time trying to clean up a dirty mirror? Is it possible— that God can shine thru us even BRIGHTER another way?

Then, I took out a cleaner- but still dirty mirror…..

I bashed it with a hammer. (I’m a pretty Hands’ on kind of speaker… the more “senses” you can involve- the better the recall- of what has been taught!) This one was sound, ight— touch- and even cherry - smell… ()

(No worries—- the back was COVERED in layers of packing tape…..(thanks Mike- BTW!)

I then, dimmed the lights again, and shined a flash light on the broken mirror.

Re-fracted- and reflected light- twinkled and bounced around the room. I then shined the flash light on the dirty- but attempted to clean mirror— light reflected- minimally.

I read the following scripture:

2 Corinthians 4
Treasures in Jars of Clay

1Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 3And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a]made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

I challenged the Mentors— not to try to be so “perfect”— but to allow God to shine thru our weaknesses— to be vulnerable— share our imperfections, our struggles—- and our failures— that His grace- shines all the more brightly- thru our “Brokeness”.

The talk- was called:

Breaking the Mirror— Mentoring with Authenticity.

Anyway— thats’ what’s been happening around here!

more later-

Dear Jesus— I love you- and thank you for the priviledge of serving you by taling to the Mentors— they are an incredible grop of women… I pray that your word- would constantly be growing and challenging—- that they would love the MOPS Moms— with love that comes from you— amen!

http://ww1.williams-sonoma.com/cat/pip.cfm?skus=4381232&pkey=xsrd0m1%7C15%7C0%7C%7C%7C%7C%7C%7Cacorn&gids=sku4381232&cmsrc=sch

Click the link to see the acorn twine holder— I ordered to hold a ball of YARN!!!!!

Way cute to knit from— and should do nicely at keeping pretties clean…..

BTW- missie- don’t order one— (i ordered 2! )

It was the late Eighties-early Nineties. Hair was big. I mean BIG.

I listened to music on a cd player….FOR the first time. Cell phones were the size of laptops (OK— not exactly!)

There was a CONCERT to benefit every need….. Farm aid , Live aid….

A” Band-aid” for every cultural hurt.

Seems like those concerts- those benefit tunes- were supposed to CHANGE things… did they? I don’t know- I remember feeling like i WANTED to change things. I cant definitely say, they TAUGHT us things.

We learned about Africa, the illnesses, the starvation. We learned about farmers being a lost segment if our history- about poverty in our own backyard.

I guess what impacted me the most- was AIDS. Probably because it was so deadly. We learned about safe -sex, we learned that you could DIE from sex. (a pretty new concept at that time) Aids was something, that you could “catch” without knowing, pass along to others- for YEARS, and THEN get sick from and die. You could also “Catch” it from sharing needles, you could catch it form un-protected sex… there were other “ideas” about how you could and couldn’t catch it….. in a culture that “knew it all” there was a lot of fear over this one.

It was sadly interesting to see the “Churches” response to HIV. It seemed like there was a prevalent “judgement” that the people who “GOT HIV”, “deserved it”. At least those were the only people to ever get on TV. I don’t honestly know how prevalent the attitudes were.

Sometimes, I wonder if people responded this way, from fear. Like it was a protective denial… if they determined that they were “safe” because they were “good”… and, if they kept themselves separated from it, then, they wouldn’t have to be afraid.

They would be safe- from both illness and the fear.

Maybe I’m just trying to find - some excuse for the fear, ignorance and prejudice.

I remember thinking this was stupid. I remember thinking Jesus would treat an aids patient like he did a leper. He would reach out, love them, touch them. I remember thinking I would do the same.

Then, I met someone with HIV. Actually, full-blown AIDS. A married, Christian man. He was dying. He had a wife. She sang beautifully. They sang beautifully together. We worshipped together.

Suddenly, HIV, and my response to it- was no longer THEORETICAL. It was now, real, and in my face.

And, I felt afraid. I didn’t WANT to be afraid. I tried NOT to be afraid. But, I was.

I also knew- what Jesus’ response would be, and somewhere, in my heart or spirit or soul… something “clicked”. I had a choice. I FELT afraid, but what was I going to DO? We knew this couple casually, they were a part of our church family, they were hurting and rejected by well— in a lot of ways -the world.

Our Pastor, gently encouraged the congregation to come around this young couple with love, however you could.

I was a young mom. I was scared. And determined. So was my husband.

We visited. She cooked (A GREAT cook-) Enchilada’s like you wouldn’t believe. He could barely eat, and I remember his meds invading the space in the fridge, and being served along side the meals…

We laughed… we brought our little guy- (now my 16 yr old) he was entranced with their fish tank. I remember having moments where I looked at the silverware- before eating— when I looked at them each- lovingly touch my son, when we held their hands to pray—- moments- of fear-sometimes intense fear- would tear at me. I had thoughts like: Would loving them… make me sick? Am I putting my child at risk? Those moments were overcome, with love, and with courage to do the right thing, that could only have been from God.

I remember the tender care that “she” took of him. I remember looking at her eyes and wondering, could I do the same, if it were my husband? I remember being afraid for her, for her future.

Did I do everything I could have? No. I wish I had loved them better. After “his” death-especially–Honestly- I think her grief scared me as much, if not more than the disease. I didn’t know how to handle it. At some time, “she” left the church…. I’m not sure why- it may have just been grief. Grief that stabbed her heart, every time “she” went where “they” had. I don’t know.

I don’t know where “she” is now, I don’t know her “HIV status”. I know I did what I could. And I wish I had done more.

HIV treatment is different now. It is worlds apart from the experiece I had in the eighties-early nineties. It seems to be much more understood- and less feared.

HIV was my first experience with “cultural lepers.” There are always “lepers” in every culture. Whether determined “unclean” by a behavior, by a dependancy or by a disease- whether physical or emotional, there have always been “untouchables.” People “we” (whom ever your WE may be) seem to think- “deserve” what they get, or may spread it to us.

People who scare us. People who cause us to think we could BECOME like them. It could “rub-off” or be “catchy”….

I guess I think we already ARE. Alike, I mean.

The bible says the wages of sin are death. End of story— there isn’t anywhere in the Bible a “God’s top ten unforgiveable sins” list. I’ve looked- there isn’t a “if you do this you get that—- and DESERVE it” list. The bottom line- is we all deserve death. Hell, actually.

My sin is NO Better- or worse- than yours. “All have sinned and falllen short of the glory of God.” It doesn’t say “some fall further than others- so give them up- stay away from them, or you’ll become like them”

The other day- when I was walking down the stairs- I realized—- it doesn’t matter how MUCH I miss that bottom step by—- it will ALWAYS HURT when I land on my butt. I can’t say… “I BARELY missed it— so my butt’s not bruised”. It doesn’t matter.

I guess I see sin the same way. Miss the step- land on your butt- it doesn’t make a difference how MUCH you missed the step by, it hurts. It requires treatment. Treatments for HIV have changed- but the treatment for sin- hasn’t. It’s Jesus. (and yes- I guess that’s Christian jargon /cheese— but, it’s true all the same.)

Jesus challenged us to - “Love others as yourself” If I were one of “the untouchables” what would I desperately need? A touch, and hope. The Bible tells me that God loves me even when I am in the midst of sin. When I am at my worst. And I should love others the same way.

Jesus didn’t say it would be easy. He didn’t say- don’t worry about loving others- I’ll do that for you. He said to do it. Jesus also didn’t say “ignore sin”. He confronted it pretty hard. He also loved the sinner.

In the eighties— I did it as well as I could. With a fearful heart, and Big Hair.

I was young, it was scary. My attempts were imperfect and messy. But, my faith grew thru the experience. I learned to trust God- and put my FAITH into ACTION…. it wasn’t about theory or personal conviction.

It was about people.

It was about doing the RIGHT thing- regardless of how afraid I felt.

I’m feeling challenged- to do the same now. I’m looking around- where are the “lepers” in my life? How can I love them better, NOW?

How can you?

Dear Jesus- please help me to see the “lepers” in my life— I know you’re talking to me about them— but I just am having a hard time identifying them, and knowing HOW to love them. I do know- that I love you Lord- and want desperately to love others- even when I’m afraid. I love you lord, Amen