Extreme Adventures in Motherhood (and life and knitting and photography and trying to keep a house with 3 boys from smelling like a locker room!)

The teens were in the front room.  I could hear them killing headless pigs on Runescape…..I made my way through the room to check on them, aggravate them a bit, and pick up in there.  Next to the middle guys laptop, was a red ribbon.  Perfectly twisted and pierced with a pin. 

Boys don’t generally have ribbons. “What’s the ribbon from?” Ready for whatever random answer was about to come…. wondering if a cute girl was involved and somewhat irritated by it and the bowl with ramen noodle residue and assorted wrappers also being left on the coffee table.

Without so much as a glance up from wood chopping (another runescape thing- which I absolutely do not find fun in the slightest….) he answered “Oh- I didn’t buy chocolate milk today- instead- I bought that- they were selling those for Aids research at lunch…….”

I had to leave the room.  (ok- in full disclosure- it is getting close to my period—- but- my boy sacrificed his beloved chocolate milk for others. *sniff* I love that kid.)

That boy drinks chocolate milk for lunch every single day.  He loves it.  And- If there is world championship for “getting the most for teenage dollars” This kid would be the champ. He budgets and plans his lunch money spending for the week……and instead- he donated it to Aids research.

For once- I didn’t nag about the ramen noodle bowl. 

 I want to be like my kid when I grow up.    (well- except for the whole killing headless pig things- and virtual wood chopping…..not so much wiht that)

In honor of chocolate milk giving—- I’m going to check into getting involved with this the global P.E.A.C.E. plan… what are you doing about aids?

 Dear Lord- I pray that you’d continue to grow my guys in compassion and generosity, I love you Lord- and thank you for them all. amen-

knitting update- Flower Basket shawl- is on pattern repeat 5:

OK.  So- it’s actually, mostly cheap silver-plate.  (With the exception of a couple of awards that my Husband has won for work… ;) But- it still has to be cleaned.  Eventually. 

Funny.  The silver really gets disgusting.  Most things that get this disgusting at my house- are simply thrown out.  (Hence, the great pile o crap for my kids to haul to the curb each week;) But the silver?  I clean it every year.  It’s too valuable to toss.  (Even if it’s only “real” value is sentimental.)

So, once a year- I bring out the “toot” (our favorite euphemism for gaseous expulsions) scented cleaning products, soft cloths and freshly update I-Pod, and I set to work.

Buff- scrub, polish and shine.  Eventually, the bronze patina gives way to the luster of the silver below.  What looked ready for the trash pile- is now (mostly-as you can see- I’m not a perfectionsit about this) ready for holiday display.  What was too disgusting to hold my own afternoon tea-let alone offer to company- is now ready for service.

Some days- I feel like disgusting silver. Tarnished with my own gunk- and with my responses to the gunk and offenses of others.  Sometimes,  everyday living seems to leave a tarnish on my life. I feel ready for the trash heap.  Definitely, not ready for service, let alone display.

True- sometimes I am a mess.  (no-one who reads here regularly- is surprised by this) But, does that mean I’m ready for the weekly trash pile-o’crap?  Nope.   There is someone who values me enough to do the hard work of cleaning up my gunk.  He sees past the tarnish- and knows I am valuable.  He knows just how much buffing and scrubbing I need- and is ready to help.  Even if there is a stench involved;)

Not- just once a year.  Not once a month or even- just once a day.  But, constantly.

Why?  It has nothing to do with me- I’ll tell you that.  It has everything to do with Him.   The silversmith who created me for a purpose- and lovingly tends to me- banging out dents- clearing off tarnish- or melting me down for a total re-make.  His name is Jesus.

He says- His love is for all who accept it.  A gift for the taking- for simply- believing.

Today- I’m cleaning the silver.  And asking God to clean up my tarnish. 

Dear Lord- I just can’t seem to keep- tarnish-free- I ask- once again- that you’d do the work of cleaning my heart- let me be a reflection- of you- I love you Lord- and thank you for the gift of your love- amen

It’s just one of the many things I am culinarilary (just made that word up- I like it)  dependant on. 

It takes up my counter space and requires constant cleaning.  (Why can’t ANYONE put paper-towel or a napkin over what they are cooking????  Including me:()

Like a magic black box- (sometimes considerably brighter than me) it heats everything from spaghettios to cold coffee-it has faithfullyu served.

In addition- as a SAHM- it is one of my few and much trusted friends/co-workers. The microwave- has just been so close to me- being in the kitchen and all— where I spend so much of my waking LIFE!) (along of- course, with the washer-dryer, the  stove, dishwasher and fridge- we also chat- but they tend to be more reserved.)

At least- it was. Until Sunday night.

When my microwave gave up the ghost. 

We (ok- maybe it was just me)  quickly went through all the phases of grief:

Shock- (WHAT? Something is wrong with my microwave?)

Denial- (It’s just a fuse- it’ll be fine) 

Bargaining- (Maybe, if I clean it- it will work…)

Guilt- (maybe I worked it too hard…I should have cleaned the vent more often.. it’s all my fault.)

Anger- (I can’t believe I ever bought such a piece of crap!)

Depression- (I have no microwave. *sniff* )

Acceptance/hope- (I can get another microwave… maybe it will even be better!  I CAN live without a microwave!)

By Monday night- I could stand it no more.  There was no popcorn… I am incapable of cooking vegetables on the stove-top and I had a pile of pans with burnt spaghettios begging to be cleaned (that part isn’t true- I swear FlyLady!- but sounded funny) …so I trudged off to Walmart- in search of a replacement.

I stood in the microwave aisle like a deer caught in the headlights of oncoming traffic.  I had no idea there would be so many demands on me so soon after my grief.  Overwhelmed, I looked from shiny microwave to shiny microwave. 

There were: White ones.  Black ones. Stainless steel ones.  Microwaves the size of my first car.  Microwaves barely big enough to make a bag of popcorn.  Microwaves with grilling capabilities and microwaves with more buttons and options and computer memory than my laptop.

I settled on a (cheap) stainless/black model with a grilling capability.  (Which I will probably never use- but- my kids (probably to bring green army men to a painfilled, melting doom) will.

As you can see in the pic above- she now proudly sits on the countertop.  Maybe, a little too proudly.  Although, she’s already proved competent in the cooking of last nights green beans, I have a concern.  She seems to be glaring at the toaster and cavorting with the coffeepot.  I think she is unhappy with the cultural diversity on the countertop. 

Apparently the toaster is not of their “ethnicity”.  White plastic is frowned upon by the much  prejudiced stainless crew.  Too bad.   It’s my house.

I like cultural diversity.

I think I need to get out more.

Instead- I’ll distract you with my  shiny pretty current knit:

In a fit of unoriginal hat overload  rebellion- I cast on a new piece of lace that I plan on wering for Christmas. 

 It’s the Flower Basket Shawl- from Fibertrends/ interweave press. A very simple 10 row repeat.  I love the yarn- Zephyr silk/wool laceweight- 2 strands held together- Ruby and Garnet.  I’m knitting on US size 5 Addi Turbo Lace Needles.

Maybe this will calm my Christmas cleaning- shopping nerves…. more pics are on flickr.

Personally- I think it’s mis-named.  To me- it looks like angels with their wings raised over their heads…. like this-  but then- I think I need to get out more— or maybe use less fumey cleaning supplies;)

And now- to work on painting the trim where the bad cat has scratched away the wood AND the paint….

Refresh. 

Refresh.

Refresh.

I keep clicking and checking to see if anyone has it in stock.  They don’t.

But,  the internet is not my only world—-

In the real world- my alarm (internal) has been set early- -so I can go out  stalking stores….

Friday Morning I was out at 5:00 a.m. (Got a decent start on my Christmas shopping)

Saturday Morning I was up at 5:30.  Nada.

Sunday morning- 6:00. Nothin.

Shopping started- but, as far as the Wii of the boys dreams?????    No luck.  The small one has been wanting a Nintendo Wii- since they came out last year.  It’s at the top of his Santa list. As hyper and jumping like a jumping bean he is— it really would be a good system for him.   He wants- the High school musical game (he’s my rock star) and Mario something or other- and of course- Sponge Bob Squarepantis……..

The problem is- they are out of stock everywhere!  Oh sure- theoretically they come in- and out of stock…. but thus far- not while I’ve been online- or in store.

I’ve posted a request on Ravelry- to trade my Ashford Joy Dt with bag and extras for a wii bundle….. Have had a few sweet people say they are interested and looking… but so far- no Wii.  Wahhhhh :(

 It won’t be the end of the world if we can’t get a Wii.  Christmas has little to do with Wiis or other expensive toys…. And I refuse to overspend on a unit through ebay- (though it is tempting…) or other secondary market vendors…(the amazon ones have crazy prices) but there is that very normal mom-desire to see Christmas wishes come true…… so for now- I’ll keep trying;)

A few Wii search tips-

(Lots of sweet people have shared their experiences)

1) Watch the ads for Sunday sales- then head out before everyone but God is up.  Wait in line- you might get lucky.

2) Keep.  Clicking “refresh”  (Amazon is going to cancel my prime- membership)

3) Use a web-based wii- tracker-   they’ll do the clickin for you and you can subscribe to the rss for instant updates.

4) Make friends with your local game store employees…..they can give you an idea of when shipments sometimes may come in…..(maybe I should bake a pie?  No- better yet- brownies?)

5) Just keep shopping- eventually you’ll accidently find one…. or not;)

 It’s still early in the Christmas season…..not time to panic.  Yet.

I’ve cast on a Flowerbasket shawl in Ruby and garnet Zephyr for pretty shiny holiday cheer knitting…..pics tomorrow.

Hmmmm… just a random side not-

Seriously- if you live here- you have a better chance of having A coyote in your backyard than you do of finding a Wii….

No lie- this morning, we had a visitor- a coyote in the neighborhood!  (I’m sure.  I checked.  It wasn’t a dog.  It was one of these .  I ran upstairs to tell my mad hunters— (to come kill it and save all the children, and small pets) but they rolled over without much regard.

It ran back and forth along the edge of the swamp- I mean pond– plenty of time to make sure what I saw- but-no time for a pic.

I called the police. They said and I quote “They are part of nature”  I said- “Yes- but not part of my neighborhood”.

I’m telling the president of the association… she’s pretty tough;)

Actually- the whole coyote thing creeped me out.  We live in a small sub.  No street lights.   The kids leave early in the morning for the bus stop.  (Not just my kids- all the neighborhood kids) I don’t like the idea of a coyote running around.

Will check into a private animal control service.   Maybe they could trap it or something……since my in-house animal controllers- seem to only be obsessed with killing deer.

Dear Jesus- I pray for safety of the kids at the bus stop- keep that coyote away— help him find some nice rural place to play—amen  ps- Lord- a wii would be nice— but you know— it’s not like food or anything;)

4:05 a.m.  Thanksgiving morning- 2007

To do list:

1) Coffee.   Check.

2) Make old fashioned oatmeal with almond slices and dried cherries- topped with fat-free half and half and brown sugar-         Check.

2) Make one bowl instant apple cinnamon oatmeal. Check.

3) Heat a plate of cinnamon toast sticks and serve with warm syrup and french vanilla hot cocoa.  Check.

4) Locate- handwarmers- hats, boots, attach handwarmers to various un-reachable body parts with double sided tape- Check.

5) Wave goodbye to the hunters by 6:00 a.m.

6) Update Ipod- load for cooking. ;)

7) Begin the Great Apple Pie Caper of ‘07.

And so begins Thanksgiving 2007.  Don’t be impressed.  (I didn’t think you were;) I typically manage to mumble “good luck, be careful”  to my guys - before rolling over and going back to sleep… but today is special.  It’s Thanksgiving.  And- I am thankful to be My husband’s wife- and my boys Mom.  So, I made their favorites- and sent them off warm and cozy.

I’m not cooking this year- (well- officially- I’m not- but I will be tucking a turkey into the oven before we leave to go to dinner—we GOTTA have turkey leftovers!)  Yesterday- I made the Cranberry relish- and today- it’s a tutorial for :

(mostly) homemade apple pie.

The pics are in my sidebar or here  if you need to see them larger;)

Preheat oven to 350-

Ingredients:

3lbs Granny Smith Apples- washed

1 1/2 -to- 2 cups sugar

1/2 -to-3/4 cup flour

pinch of salt

cinnamon

Pat of butter

Pillsbury Prepared pie crust )told- it’s almost homemade;)

2 Tblsp milk

cinnamon sugar to sprinkle

Directions:

Remove pie crust from box- let sit at room temp until pliable.

Peel, core and then thinly slice (about 1/4-1/2 inch thick) the apples.  In a bowl, combine with flour, sugar cinnamon and salt. Mix or toss to coat apples.

Sprinkle pie pan (I prefer the Pampered Chef Pie plate stone) with 1 Tbl flour and a sprinkle of sugar. (helps to avoid soggy bototm crust)

Unroll and press bottom pie crust into pan. 

Fill pan with apple sugar mixture.  (Pack ‘em in there- make em fit.  Plan on cleaning the oven later if it runs over;) )

top with a pat of butter and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Unroll second pie crust, place over apples.  “Crimp” Top crust to bottom using a fork.  Trim excess crust with a knife. (reserve)

Roll put the dough and cut into holiday themed shapes- (I like leaves and pumpkins-)

Use a pastry brush to brush pie top with milk.  Place “cut outs” onto pie top by brushing bottoms with milk. 

Sprinkle pie with cinnamon sugar.  Use sharp knife to cut “vents” into pie top.

Bake at 350 for 50-60 minutes.

Serve warm with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream. 

Receive the praise;)

Thanksgiving… A day to be thankful. 

I am thankful that God is patient and kind and loving- that that he not only puts up with me- but loves me- issues and all. 

I’m  thankful to be surrounded by family and friends- (crazy or otherwise)

I’m thankful to have enough to be able to give.  (I’m thankful that I know the secret is you always have something you can give- no matter how little)

I’m thankful that you stopped by today;) 

I’m thankful for warm slippers and hot coffee. 

I’m thankful for turkey and stuffing.  (and loose waisted pants;)

Happy Thanksgiving- to you and yours-

ps- oh sorry to “Pushing Daisies’s”  for stealing the Pie-hole reference;) Not that I watch it online every week or anything…..;)

I will now distract you with apple-y goodness!     Pies done!

Ingredients:

2 - 12 oz bags fresh cranberries

1 1/2 Cups sugar

1 giant (Christmas stocking type) Navel orange- zested- then pith removed and cut into large chunks

1) Wash- pick over cranberries (It’s our traqdition to have the kids do this part)

2) Zest orange (I use a very sharp peeler- make sure you there is no pith- it’s nasty-bitter)

3) In Food processor- pulse the sugar and orange zest together

4) Add your cranberries- pulse to a coarse chop

5) Add the orange chunks- pulse till your preferred consistency.

Caution- my oldest has been known to eat this by the bowlful.  (SO has my step-dad) Also great with pork- and chicken.  My FIL requests it…. He’s diabetic- and I’ve subbed in splenda for him- it works- but isn’t quite the same.

I will be making 3 huge batches.

Refrigerate over night.  Serve with turkey n trimmings;)  & a side of  handknits if you got em;)

At the bottom of the mosaic you can see 2 more Yarn Harlot’s Unoriginal Hats- one in Ironstone Orange yarn and one in Malabrigo Chunky- Snowbird… the CHristmas knits continue;)

Tomorrow I’ll be baking my “famous” apple pie- want a tutorial?  *** my guys call my simple apple pie famous- what can I say;)

Somedays, I just LOVE my Mail person.  Yesterday was one of them.  (Too bad I scared him with the whole swollen eyes and blotchy face thing) No worries- It wasn’t personal.  It was SP 11 package-related.

 I received my reveal package from My SP 11 - Carly!  Inside this pretty package were goodies galore!

There were 2 gorgeous hanks of Ultra Alpaca- these will be mittens for ME;)   A beautiful skein of Silk from The Natural Dye Studio.  There are also adorable sheeptastic stitch-markers from Sunneshine! 

You can also see in this pic- the reason for Sami’s extreme interest in this package. Newnman’s Own Doggy treats— Sami is a cookie eating Dog after my own heart- ;) She says thank you as well.

Here, we see what could only be evidence of the addictive nature of catnip.  Cappucino has been sniffing and cuddling and whacking the daylights out of his (No.  He is NOT sharing with Truffles. And, if Sami comes within toy snatching distance- he promptly slaps her in the nose- good thing he’s de-clawed!) new cat nip toy.  ‘Cino meows his thanks, and wonders if you may know of a 12 step program that would include his keeping his nip.

Thanks so much again- to Carly- for being such a  remarkable SP11!

“Mommy- your eyes look fat”  At least this time he wasn’t talking about my butt being boinky.

The boy is right.  I have to squint to see the screen as I type.  (OK- I have to squint to see my fingers… since I’m the queen of hunt and peck typing;) It’s not a problem with my glasses.  My prescription hasn’t changed in years.  It’s not a problem with the computer.  It’s a problem with my eyes. They are swollen, burning, itchy and puffy.  Not a good look.  (I am however- amazed at the body’s ability to shape shift beyond recognition.)

This weekend I succombed to yet another clearance shopping hazard.  This time it was way discounted make-up. Discounted enough to make me try a brand that I haven’t bought before.  Hence the allergic reaction that has left me with more bags around my eyes than I have in my closet… (I tend to collect bags- what can I say?) Bring on the hydrocortisone/ benadryl cocktail.  Could I get that in an IV drip, please?

This would be fine, if it were a first offense of poor clearance- risk management.  Alas- it was not. I am a repeat offender.

Other hazards I’ve encountered:

1) Clearance hairdye that resulted in purple hair.  (Fine if that’s what you want- but let’s just say my kids wanted to take me in for show n tell- the purple haired mom- a classic) Also clearance hairdye that resulted in jet black hair- but I kind of like the snow-white thing;)

2) Clearance Christmas gifts- OOPS- two left gloves.  Not good unless you’re family has a birth defect of this type. Gift recipients are rarely impressed with my skill at getting more for my gift budget.

3) Countless pair of clearance shoes that are either- “not quite” the right size- two different sizes or two left- or two right shoes…. The worst part?  These are most often purchased for the mister…..which means my shame is public.  EVERY time! (One would think I could learn to double check… but I tend to be blinded not just by allergy swollen eyes- but also by the words “Clearance” and “final Markdown” 

4) Clearance clothes that I MIGHT fit into… (this could go either way- too big or too small.  When I went to MOPS convention- I had to wear black dress pants- I found a pair I liked- ON CLEARANCE and bought without trying on—they were 3 sizes bigger than I normally wear- I thought they’d work.  They did not. They were clown pants.)

5) Clearance name brand bags in colors that are pretty in nature- but not so much in clothing. (In other words- I cannot bring my matchy-matchy self to carry them- even IF they were a GREAT deal.)

We will not discuss my many sins of clearance purchases for my kids clothes.  Suffice to say teenaged boys do not like “past season” . 

Safe clearance items?

Yarn. 

thats’ about it;)

Oh my word.  I just thought of something- what if it wasn’t the new makeup- what if I’m allergic to knitting?

hydrocortisone infused candles to burn?  Benadryl laced chocolate?  Coffee benadryl martini?   (I don’t actually drink-(Dad’s a recovering addict)  that’s as close as I’d get to a martini;) Mask gloves and goggles?

 I better go lay down.  I think I’ll ice my face.

Sister clearance shoppers- be careful out there.  Those deals can be brutal.   

It’s that time of year.  When the men of my home and heart- leave each weekend (though this week for most of the week) and become one with the woods. It’s weird.

It starts in October.  With “archery season”.  For which- our yard is graced with a 3-d deer target.  The neighbors probably think it is some strange very early Christmas decoration.  Until- the arrows fly. My guys then stand on the patio- and proceed to shoot Rudolph.   Which- is probably payback for the whole “santa” thing.   (ummm will refrain from explanation- but suffice to say- they finally figured it out;)

Arrows often also land in the pond/swamp behind our yard.  Once convinced they are “on target”- they drive an hour and a half before dawn to sit in the dark in a tree and wait to see if a deer comes out. They sometimes fall asleep, but don’t admit to it.  (One can only wonder how one falls asleep in a TREE… but will I not ask.)  After dark again- they drive home- eat the chili that has been cooking all day- a fall into a stinky deer riddled sleep.

They have survived Archery season.  And- at least in regards my hunting men- so have the deer.

However- archery is not the end of the “season.”  November 15 started “gun season.” 

This is counter intuitive to everything that is within a mother.   A mother is wired to protect her babies- never mind the fact they they may be the size of a full grown grizzly bear.  (Have I mentioned that my oldest is a rather big boy?)  A mother is wired to teach her children to stay clean,  not to touch hot stoves, or play with dangerous things.  We teach them to be kind to animals- not to pull the dogs tail chase the cat or burn ants with your glasses or magnifying lens.   

Then-in November out come the guns.  Not toy guns.  REAL  guns.   (No target practice in the yard for this one- the neighborhood association would frown on that idea;) They sit in the kitchen, cleaning them.  Every “ch ch” of the empty guns being cocked, makes me cringe.  “Don’t point it towards ANYTHING!”  I yell.  They shrug.  They are well trained in gun safety.  I am not. They know it.

They look at me as if I am - both crazy and lame. (Including the Daddy) I keep the youngest in the livingroom.  I knit.  FAST.  A LOT.  The youngest proceeds to turn the dog into a deer and make every toy he owns into a gun.  He stalks her.  He shoots her.  She licks him.  I finish hunt hats.

 They prepare to leave for the “hunt trip.”  Packing who knows what.  For hours.  I put their hats on their heads.  I tell them the hats are my protective, warm (trying not to be smothering)  love- following (stalking) them into the woods. They acknowledge my craziness. They leave. 

I knit.  I clean.  Two of my favorite coping skills.  Along with prayer and cin’ocolate.  During deer season- I combine them all.  I knit more hat’s from The Yarn Harlot’s Unoriginal Hat pattern.   I knit LOTS of hats.  8 so far. 

I remind myself that God is sovereign- even in the woods.  I remind myself that this time together with their Dad is good for them.  I remind myself that knitting is just as crazy to them. I remind myself that they will mess up the house when they get home.  I remind myself of the hunt camp stinkin laundry about to arrive in my laundry room. 

I savor a few days of eating off of  “zoopals” with the little guy.  We watch Shrek the Third - 497 times.  We eat popcorn, drink cocoa and use FIRELOGS.  (the men around here think wood is much better.)  We stay in our jammies.  ALL DAY.  WE play with the tangrams for homeschool.  We try not to miss the big guys. We pray they get a deer- and we pray the deer escape;)

Conveniently coinciding with deer season-The Christmas knit season of 07 has begun.  Aside from the ocassional accidental falling asleep with a cable needle in my cleavage…. (ummm… it happens to be a rather convenient place to stow it between cables…..) it is considerably safer than deer season.  At least in theory.

To answer the question- “Does Harlot’s Unoriginal hat fit in the woods?” The answer is yes.  In orange.  The oldest called me to say his hat was “Perfect”  And toasty.  And awesome.  

Score. ;)