You are not alone. MOPS International Convention

Words will be coming soon about my convention experience for now- a photo that sums it up:

not alone

 

Mommy Myth Busting- busting the myths we believe about each other…

It’s not just the fairy tales we read to our children that are full of myth.  It’s our perceptions of each other.  Not so much a problem in fairy tales, but a big problem in Mom-life.  he myths we believe about ourselves and each other build walls between us.  The walls are made of the assumption that we don’t need to get to know someone different, because we think we already DO know them., based on what we assume from the tiny bit we see.

Here’s the thing: In my 20 years of mothering and working with mothers as a pastoral counselor and MOPS leader,  I’ve learned this… I don’t always recognize the myths I believe, until I meet a mom who blows them away.

My goal: To use humor and truth to create a project that can BUST the Mommy Myths we believe.

My Premise:

These myths cause us to judge and criticize each other without bothering to find out the truth about each other. They divide us into false categories and make us hurt each other with words and actions. These myths hurt us individually and corporately as a mothering community.

What would happen if moms could get past the assumptions, prejudices and myths we believe about each other and learn to respect and appreciate each other?  I have a feeling we could change the world. The hand that rocks the cradle truly DOES rule the world. I am on a mission to help moms rock the world TOGETHER.

Will you help?

I am looking for the top ten (maybe 20) myths we believe about each other as moms. I also need to define them and confront them.  This isn’t about hating on each other for holding these myths.. it’s about smacking down the myths with a foundational truth- we are mothers, regardless of our style, background and choices.

Below is a list to start you thinking. I’ll be adding to it as we go. Please either post your thoughts about other archetypes we hold as mothers and the myths we believe about them… ie SAHM’s sit around in their jammies and eat bon-bns all day) in the comments- or email them to me- at soltrcy at aol DoT CoM (you’ll need to format the addy correctly but you get the jist) You can also Tweet your ideas to me- follow @traceysolomon or you can add to the conversation on my facebook page. All emailed and twittered myths will be kept confidential unless you state otherwise. (Some of these myths are more volatile than others)

I appreciate your input,  authenticity and prayers as I work on this project! Let’s bust some Mommy Myths!

PLEASE be sure to click the MORE button at the bottom of this post- the rest of the list we’ve started is there. :)

SAHM-  Stay at home moms- moms who don’t work outside the home for a paycheck.

Working Moms- Moms who work outside (or inside the home) for a paycheck.

Welfare Moms- Moms struggling financially and on assistance of some sort.

Well off Moms- Moms for whom budget issues are less intrusive to daily life. (hard to define)

Home School Mom- A mom who educates her child at home.

Public School Moms-

 

On washing machines overstuffed and gaskets blown

“One more towel won’t hurt.”  I thought as I stuffed it into the already stuffed washing machine.  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

“Drip. Drip. Drip.”  I heard just a few minutes later.  IN THE KITCHEN. I looked over at the sink, hoping to find a drippy faucet.  No such luck.  I looked up.  This is what I found:

That would be water, dipping through the kitchen ceiling.  (I have a second floor laundry.) From the washing machine.  Apparently, one more towel can hurt quite a bit.  It can blow a gasket.  Blown gaskets make big messes.

Upstairs there is a mountain of towels soaking up the water, downstairs is a bucket catching ceiling drips.  On the couch sits a woman feeling frustrated and convicted about the gaskets she’s blown in the past 2 days.  They haven’t ALL been in the washing machine.

Last night I had an argument at the dinner table that didn’t need to be,but was,  because I have yet to learn that it’s not necessary to say everything I think. I  over stuffed a conversation with my opinion and it blew a conversational gasket.

This morning, I decided to: dye my roots, shower and dress, knit a few rows, run the dishwasher, clean the kitchen counters, throw in a load of laundry, fold a load of laundry, put away a load of laundry and vacuum before church.  The result?  Much martyrdom mumbling accompanied the list. (“No one around here does anything but me.. Why can’t ANYONE ELSE, see what needs to be done, and DO IT?” My go-to momologue of martyrdom)  I overstuffed my schedule and blew my sabbath gasket, dripping toxic anger through the it’s ceiling all over my family.

As I wait for the ceiling to dry and the emotion to subside, I’m thinking about other times I’ve overstuffed things and caused blown gaskets.  There has been lots of overstuffed scheduling. (I can’t DO IT ALL.. I just think I can) I have overstuffed expectations for family and friends. I have overstuffed emotions that should have been expressed before I blew, and overstuffed a  tummy that has blown the gasket of my waistline.  The list goes on, and on.

Today- as I head to the laundromat, (which I’ll be doing a lot  for the next 7-10 business days, until the new gasket comes in and is installed.) I’m praying that I will think twice before stuffing one more towel into the washer, one more commitment into my schedule, or one more word into a conversation… I’d like to avoid another blown gasket anytime soon.

Dear Lord- Please forgive me for the gaskets I’ve been blowing and the messes I’ve been making.  I pray that you’d help me to STOP overstuffing, and save those around me from collateral gasket blowing damage. And Lord- I’m so glad you love me anyways. Amen.

FYI- if your ceiling ever springs a leak- POKE A HOLE in the drywall.  Let the water drain out.  Let t dry thoroughly. Fill the hole with spackling paste, let dry, sand and re-paint.  If the water leaves a stain, a coat of KILZ primer before painting may  be necessary. Works like a charm and saves you the time and money of an insurance claim and drywall repair. (Thanks to my mom- a retired insurance claim rep for that nugget of knowledge!)

 

Dirty Microwave, Bane of my Existence. Leech of my Time.

Re-post-

The dirty beast crouched in the corner.  The brave and well armed Knight-ess of clean, raised her bottle of Windex in what could only be percieved as an act of war.  The beast growled, for a moment- a strange glow emanated from the dark gape that could be it’s mouth. A beep sounded. The Knight-ess wondered if it was an alarm, understood only by like-beasts, calling for help. Glancing to her right and left- she saw no beasts coming to it’s aid.  A ruse.  She saw right through it.

Undaunted, the shining Knight-ess thrust her paper- towel lance forward.  The “SQUEAK” of wet toweling on plastic, metal and glass deafening.  Her arm shook with effort.  Sweat stood out on her brow.  Just when she thought her battle was won, the beast, with new-found dirt (hiding in the not so wonderful too clean, grilling element) struck back.  What she thought was clean- alas, was speckled with dried Spaghettio’s and tomato soup.  Withdrawing her arm, she bumped the glass, leaving a smudge of sweat and (quite possibly) tears.  The beasts haunting , blue-green blinking (12:00) eyes glared at her in an assumption of victory.

The Knight-ess dug deep into her soul… with a mighty cry of “Tonight, we dine in CLEAN!” She deftly swiped at the dirt.  One. More. Squirt.  And the deed,  was done.   In place of a beast stood a shining clean appliance.

The Evil Microwave was defeated.

Clean ruled the kitchen once more. (well- most of it) All hail the Knight-ess!  Huzzah! Hoorah!  The Knight-ess soon found herself surrounded by a cheering crowd. (wouldn’t that be nice?… especially when I clean the floor around the toilet— I deserve it!)

That night-along with the King and Princes of her beloved kingdom,  she not only dined in clean… she dined OUT.

THE END.

Why hasn’t anyone invented a self- cleaning microwave??? When I bought this new microwave- I had no idea what trouble would lie in wait. The heating element is a pain to clean around.  But- at $50…. I’ll put up with it for a while…. it will eventually die of old age- and then…. THEN my friends- I will find the perfect kitchen appliance.   (However,  with my luck… this microwave will live forever, out of spite.  No worries- this Knight-ess of clean (clean enough, that is) is capable of leaving a spoon in a cup of tea and reheating it until it either: A) causes a nuclear meltdown- thus destroying the evil microwave or B) Scares everyone in the house with sparking and noise enough, to warrant a replacement for breach of trust.

I need to get out more. ‘Nuff said.

Please note- I am fully aware that I could have cleaned every Microwave in Michigan in the time it took to post this….but this, my friends, is considerably more therapeutic.

 

Monopoly is NOT Waterproof, in games- or life.

The game is ruined. It’s a sodden, soggy, buckled: MESS. Top that with with a scent of early stage mildew growth and you get the full picture.  I found the directions and multi-colored money scattered like broken rainbows across the lawn.  The game had been left out in the rain.

TRASH CAN TIME.

I had let the kids take it out to the “treehouse” and we totally forgot about it.   That was before vacation and the start of school, its been out there for a while.

Before bagging up the mess, I remembered how neat and tidy the banker had kept the money and how organized the properties had been, all lined up and grouped by color.  It was sad to see that what had once been carefully tended , now looked like a box of game board vomit.

That’s how I learned that Monopoly is not waterproof.

Come to think of it, no monopoly is.  Not monopolies of power, control, (momma control or otherwise) commodities (hello! stock market, crash much?) or ideas.  (I tend to think my ideas are best, my thought process is RIGHT and my methods – of parenting, marriage, cooking-the list goes on… are correct, of course…)

Seeing that soggy mess was a demonstration of the fact that monopolies are always subject to rain.  The rain may be in the form of economic crisis, pain, or the yanking of a neatly woven control rug out from under you,  your monopoly of  method or thought process may be proven wrong in the end-

you’re left with a box of soggy, wet mess. If that is- your “monopolies” are tangible……

I’m hoping mine aren’t.  I’m pryaing I find wisdom to trash what is. and to Hold dear what isn’t.  I just might keep this game (if I can stand the smell) around as a reminder …or maybe not.

 

A very big week.

First: My youngest started school. His opinion of his first day? “The best day of my life.”

Looks like he was ready:)

Second:  I hope you’ll help me celebrate my first contract- I have an article coming out in November in MomSense Magazine! Watch for it!

I can’t wait to see what God does next.  Who knows.. that book (ok those BOOKS) might just happen in time!

 

I can hear the rain.

I can’t remember the last time I could hear the rain dropping. Today. I can. There are no video games to drown out it’s patter. There are no male voices of varied ages arguing, talking and laughing, it is quiet. Quiet enough to hear my tears drip through the waterproof mascara I’m wearing today. Drip- drip go the bittersweet tears of joy and sadness.

For the first time in years, everyone is off to school. One in college- one starting his senior year of high school.. and the youngest, his first day of second grade. As a previous homeschooler- it’s his first day of going to school, at all.  After a noisy morning of preparation, it is now, QUIET.

Questions roll like occasional thunder claps through my mind… “Are they ready? Will they adjust? “Are they: making friends, hungry, prepared?” “Have I done too much, or not enough?”

I let the questions roll by. They aren’t harmful.. just noise, echoes. The lightening has already struck. I’ve done what I can to prepared and equip them, I’ve made my decisions about what’s in their best interests and have released them into their futures, fortunately- God has already been there- and knows what is ahead.  Where I can’t be with them, to protect guide and direct, He will.    I’m good with that– He tends to know what’s right and how to make the best of what isn’t.

Dear Lord, Thank you for each teacher and professor  fellow student and friend you’ve brought into my boy’s lives, I thank you for the adventure each one is on, and the journey you are leading them on.  Be with them, guide and direct, but most of all- Lord, be wit h them- regardless of what happens.  I love you and trust you- amen.

 

no wonder why women feel so insecure….

 

Like Water….

Like water

Like water…

I want to blow with the wind of His spirit.

Like water, I want to refresh and renew.

Like water I want to erode away boundaries and create new water ways.

Like water, I want to be deep and still.

Like water I want to be still when he calls “Peace”.

Like water- I want to toil and find power.

Like water, I want to bring cleansing to everything I touch.

Like water, I want to magnify the light that comes from you.

Like water, I want to bubble with joy.

Like water, I want to bring oxygen and air to fish struggling to breathe…

Like water.. God make me like water… Let me drink in your presence and pour out your love.

Like water.

 

Sometimes you have to move it, move it- whether or not you like to move it, move it!

battle scene

“JUMP, “BELLA, NO” Bark, yip, chew, “Bella, NO!”  jump, bark, yip, RUN, chew, “Bella, GROSS!”

No, it’s not the words to a song or the moves to a dance.. just the game I’ve been playing for the past month. It involves a battle of will between me, the almighty dog mom and Bella, the 6 pound bundle of beasty spunk. It also involves her repeatedly jumping onto my coffee table, snatching a bite of cinnamon scented potpourri she has to dig out from under the faux/fruit it’s hidden beneath and running off to chew it until she vomits. Suffice to say- only one of us enjoys this game.

It’s NOT me.

Yesterday, after playing a few rounds of “Bark and Barf” as I like to call it.  I had a sudden flash of brilliance.  I MOVED the BASKET. Onto the kitchen table.  Where Bella can’t reach. With that simple action, the sun instantly shone brighter and through the open windows, I heard the  hallelujah chorus being sung by every bird in the neighborhood.  (Ok maybe not. But still, it was LIFE CHANGING! A miracle! My days of dog induced crazy were OVER!)

True, Bella jumped up on the coffee table a few more times, but found it’s lack of cinnamon flavored emetic totally disappointing. She moved on to chewing her actual chew toys. (Of which she is the Donald Trump of dogs.. she’s rich in chew toys, just sayin. )

As I sat savoring a victory latte’, I felt rather smug.  “Ha, take that pooch- who’s your momma?” I may have gloated.  That’s when I thought about the cookies on the counter.. and how well they’d go with my latte’ “a few won’t hurt, besides, I’m celebrating. “ And that quickly, I forgot about my goal of eating healthy and snarfed down half a dozen chocolate, walnut chunk treats.

When the sugar and caffeine rush wore off, I realized Bella hasn’t been the only one playing games. So have I.  I’ve been jumping into the pantry and snatching bite of goodies with abandon lately.  Ugh. that’s totally disregarding my commitment to healthier eating. I’ve also had a few impulsive purchases and have been spending too much time in less than worthwhile pursuits. (those Facebook games can be a time suck…just sayin’)

As the basket- safely out of reach, again caught my eye, I wondered if maybe I need to make some other small changes… Maybe I need to move some other things out of reach…from myself. Those cookies are the first thing to go…

What about you?  Do you need to get rid of some junk food that keeps making you jump to the pantry? Do you need to use an internet filter or limiter to help you avoid wasting time there? Do you need to put your credit card into a block of ice so you have to thaw it to use it?

Do you need to MOVE it, MOVE it?  If so- I encourage you to do it- TODAY. You just might find a little victory latte’ is in order!

¹³No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Usually a way out requires movement- just sayin!