Blog archive: January, 2006

January 31
Mom. Mom? Mom! Moooooom. Mommy? Mother. MOM!
I’m not sure how it works.

There is this interesting phenomena in language. Nuance.

Mom. It’s a noun. It’s a title. But- every Mom knows- there is a lot more communicated- in nuance. It’s also a name I awaited being called for what seems like an eternity. I was so happy the first time my “baby” (now 16!) said “Da”….and had a clue what he was saying… the delight on DH’s face, the pride of being recognized….. I loved it. I also knew- that developmentally- “Da” comes before “Ma”- So I was up NEXT!

Impatient- and excited- as usual.. I took my hands— and gently tried to “help” that little guy turn the “Da” into a “Ma”..(he already HAD half of it!) ..slippery little things, those baby lips….it didn’t work. Eventually, I had my “mom”ent. I felt like I had been recognized as the lost queen of the universe. Mom. Mommy. Mother. Ma. A tickly, giggly smile welled up from deep inside, every time I heard it. It’s probably been a million times since then, that I’ve heard it.

Sometimes- I still feel the same. Sometimes not. My children are mastering the language. At 16, 13 and almost 4- they have learned “nuance”. The same thing, said different ways… with a slightly different inflection…. Wow. What a difference it makes.

There’s a high pitched, pain filled, screech of “MOM!!!” that every Mother recognizes on hearing alone, is tinged somewhere with blood, bruise or bump. The sing -song… Mom. Mom, MOM. Of a child, jealous of the telephone. The” Mo-ther ” (2 syllables almost equal stress- slightly more on the first with a downward lilt)….. of a teen disgusted with someone— usually me.

There’s the “Mommy!” Of a preschooler, welcoming me home from a trip to the grocery store. The “MOM!” of a tattle, about to share a tale…The monotone “mom” the precedes an “I’ve got to tell you something- don’t get mad” of a teens confession…..(usually report card- induced at my house..)

Every time I hear the word— I know- some response- is to be elicited…. an action, an emotion, something, from me. However- what ever the elicited one—there is in every response… first a tiny tinge of pride” Mom” yep- that’s me. They drive me nuts- those boys— they break stuff- they make messes, they don’t listen, they DO listen….and when they say “MOM” it’s me they’re talking about. (don’t believe everything they say though!)

Yeah, sometimes that sense of pride- is followed with irritation, frustration, anger, fear, concern, annoyance… so many things—-dependant on my role in responding…but- I have to admit- there are only 2 other titles by which I am known, that come anywhere near as satisfying.

“Child of God”, “Kyle’s wife”. and finally “Mom” yep- that’s me.

Dear Lord-
Thank you for calling me yours- I am so glad to be able to cry out to you- like my “guys” do to me…. thnx for not becoming irritated- or frustrated when you hear “that tone” in my voice—–the whining- complaining, tattling tones…thank you for answering when I call you. And for being right in your response- ALWAYS- (unlike me!) I also just want to thank you for the priviledge of being- Wife- and Mom….. It amazes me- that you’d want to use me to serve you at all….messy and imperfect as I am…please help me- to minister here, well, with excellance and joy. I love you Lord- amen.

PS—- help me remember this- the next time I want to kill them all….!

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January 30
community. living life, together.
Community- It’s everywhere. Isn’t it?

I “Googled” it…. about 2,350,000,000 “hits” ! Apparently “Community” is about every 10th word on the internet. OK- maybe not every tenth word, but certainly high on the search list.
2,350,000,000 “hits” equals 2,350,000,000 places to find community. Then, Community- is everywhere! Right? Maybe, maybe not.

2,350,000,000 “hits” does prove one thing- we’re- as a society, looking for “Community”.

What are we looking for? Are we looking for what the dictionary defines as Community? I checked- I doubt it.

com·mu·ni·ty (kə-myū’nĭ-tē) n., pl. -ties.
A group of people living in the same locality and under the same government.
The district or locality in which such a group lives.
A group of people having common interests: the scientific community; the international business community.
A group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society: the gay community; the community of color.
Similarity or identity: a community of interests.
Sharing, participation, and fellowship.
Society as a whole; the public.
A group of plants and animals living and interacting with one another in a specific region under relatively similar environmental conditions.
The region occupied by a group of interacting organisms.
Am I just looking to live in a locality under the same government? No.
Am I looking for common interests? Sometimes, but honestly- a lot of people thinking the same things- doing the same things… BORING.
Am I just looking to be”labeled” and identified as a part of a whole? Since I put “labeled” into quotation marks… you may have already guessed my answer to that one, NO. I’m pretty anti- labeling, I don’t appreciate many of the assumptions that come from being labeled- in any manner. I’ve not found a label yet – that perfectly described- anything, that could be likewise applied to another, without variance.

As for the rest of the definition, I don’t think those are answers that explain 2,350,000,000 mentions of “Community”online alone! They just don’t have the draw. So, what are we looking for?

Honestly- without boast- and with a lot of thankfulness- I think- we’re looking for what I experienced this weekend. We want to live life, together.

I spent most of the weekend with my “chosen family” I have a family I was born into- which I love dearly- and I’ve been blessed to find a family of friends, too. We “do life, together” We laugh together- we cry together- we tease each other- we push each other to be more- we inspire each other to know more- of each other- and of God. We have a common interests and passions- the primary of which , is God. Knowing Him better. And we share other common passions- outdoors- learning, caring, people, ministry, worship, justice, a strong love of the truth.

There are also big differences in our- “family community” differences of personality, background, employment, age, temperament, perspective and season of life. There is no way to adequately describe ALL of how this plays out. But, I can say this- we’ve learned- (a lot of times the hard way) how to appreciate and learn from our differences, how to complement each others weaknesses- and even compensate for them. One part helping and strengthening the other. We really are stronger together, than we are apart.

It’s more than a team. But, it’s like one. It’s more than a “group,” but we are one. It’s more than a therapy group- but we’ve helped each other. It’s more than a Biblestudy, but we study together. (and argue about it) When one of us hurts- we all do. When one rejoices- we all do. When one needs help- we do what we can. We are in each others business, by INVITATION. We love each others kids, by choice. It’s messy, it’s complicated, we hurt each other-forgive each other, we bless each other, it’s wonderful.

It’s community. Community- is relationships. Relationships that grow history. Relationships that weather storms, and tell tales later of beating the storm and making it back to harbor.

It’s also eating chicken, begging for potato salad…playing 80’s name that tune- even if the game sucked… (it’s lame- don’t buy it) it’s celebrating a thirteenth birthday of each child in the group- in a special way— and being amazed together- when one turns 18….cause you’ve witnessed the many near deaths that “child” has had at the hands of their parents…it’s being at weddings, funerals, engagements, births, fundraisers, moving days, adoptions, hospitals, parties, It’s driving 7 hours to be together. It’s crying when you leave- ’cause you want to stay. THAT’S Community.

In case you’re wondering—- yeah- my weekend was THAT good.

Community- a description from the Bible:
Acts 2
The Fellowship of the Early Believers
2:42 They were devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship,93 to the breaking of bread and to prayer.94 2:43 Reverential awe95 came over everyone,96 and many wonders and miraculous signs97 came about by the apostles. 2:44 All who believed were together and held98 everything in common, 2:45 and they began selling99 their property100 and possessions and distributing the proceeds101 to everyone, as anyone had need. 2:46 Every day102 they continued to gather together by common consent in the temple courts,103 breaking bread from104 house to house, sharing their food with glad105 and humble hearts,106 2:47 praising God and having the good will107 of all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number every day108 those who were being saved.

Dear Jesus-

I know that these relationships are precious gifts- from you- thank you Lord- for so much. I pray we’ll continue to grow in relationship- with you- and each other. I pray we’ll pay the price of messes and pain we cause each other- because the benefits- are so much greater. I also know, that there are so many- who haven’t found community- I pray that anyone who finds this prayer- would have the courage to reach out- to connect- to risk- to try again if they need to— and to keep trying until they can find and experience community- first with you , Lord- then with others— I love you Lord- amen.
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January 27
It’s Friday- Time to goof with my family and friends.
Just a few updates- I know- I’ve been pretty content “heavy” this week—

Knitting- well- YEAH. (rolls eyes) But- ummm finished objects? Not too many. One, I can’t post about—- it’s a SURPRISE. The Embossed Leaves socks? Well- I solved the Koigu dilemma- I got bored. besides- I’ve TECHNICALLY made almost 2 FULLY. Thats a PAIR. Right? I’ll get back to them.

My FiberGod Mother sent me a great treat!

A Perfectly great Black bag with- yes- fuschia trim! (My fav) But wait- There’s MORE!
Tucked inside— Chocolates- (can you say- MINE all MINE?)
2 Skeins of recycled silk— I’m currently scouring the internet for the perfect pattern for!
AND Bamboo Needles! I’m good to go- project, bag and tools- and chocolates….

On a follow up to Christmas- in the front-of the pic- you can see my “Heat pack” (red with cute sheepies) made by my SIL @ It’s been glued to- and “saving” my head all week! I love it! (I’ve been having miserable headaches everyday! ) THNX again Missie! She has directions on her blog- if you’d like to make one!

I ALSO got a sweet e-card from my SP7! Hmmm… I’ll be a “Spoiled Knitter Brat “soon!—-

Thats it- its a big weekend for us- friends (including some well loved out of towners) are all getting together- for pretty much the whole weekend- to totally goof off.. and be together! Can’t WAIT!
ttfn. says tigger.


ENTIRE ENTRY YESTERDAY……Rejection— blah blah—

I got an e-mail – Yahoo Groups having trouble—- denied everybody.

Gotta be careful…. sometimes what FEELS like rejection- IS, in FACT… a misunderstanding!

SO- Now I’m in—
Wanna join? If they let me in— it should be even easier for you!
But- yeah- it’s for KNITTING! You can check it out here:

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January 26
Access Denied. A new milestone in my online life…or… I’m a loser… pick your title.
It was bound to happen sooner or later. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve experienced it… but man, it still stings. What? REJECTION. This wasn’t even a major rejection….this was a nameless, faceless rejection, rejection without explanation.

I “applied” for an online “group”… and, for the first time-(–) My membership was denied. OUCH. Hey- who ever creates the group- makes the rules— and picks the members. I’m fine with that. But, I’m human. Humans’ aren’t wired to LIKE rejection. When rejected… I first respond with questions…. like: What? Aren’t I “GOOD ENOUGH?” or “Did I do something wrong?” and the (usually ) unspoken ….”Why don’t they LIKE me? For me- the questions usually give way pretty quickly ,to anger. Then my response is more like… “sucks to be you… your loss….”

Hello, my name is Bravado. That part of me that says— “You can’t hurt me….’cause I don’t CARE what you think. ” Is a defense mechanism. I know. Like- when you’re playing “mercy” in Jr High… and you dig your fingers into your “partners” hands as hard as you can… all the while, feeling their hands crushing yours-nails digging into skin…. waiting for one of you to yell “Mercy” and admit pain. Who ever does first, LOSES. No Way. If I admit pain… I LOSE.

Rejection, causes pain…..small rejections- usually cause small pain… big rejections…..can cause HUGE pain. My membership to an online “Group” isn’t a huge pain, just a sting. A few unanswered Why? An internal, and defensive “Your loss, not mine”. Maybe a quick thought of…. “I’ll show- you— I’ll start my own group….”

Then, in a moment of clarity, comes: acceptance.

Yep. I’m a reject. I’ve been rejected. For whatever reason, whether valid- or unfair, rejection is part of life. When you put yourself “out there” people will reject you. It’s a risk you take. Once you’ve experienced it… you have a choice…..what are you going to do?

Will you try to “defend”? In whatever creative way you can think of?
Will you try to “coccoon” yourself away….and not let anyone “know” you—- so they can’t reject you?
Will you try to” FIT IN” at the expense of your unique design by God… becoming less than authentic?

I’ve tried them. They don’t work.

“Defense mechanisms “don’twork— by the time I’m “defending” I’ve already been hurt.
“Coccooning ” leaves me ,without my spiritual,social and emotional needs for connection being met, AND removes me and my experiences out of “the loop” of helping others.
I end up starved, and others lose out. Not working either.
“Recreating myself”- to fit in with every new person or situation, is exhausting…. and, it flies in the face of the God who made me….artistically, designed and formed me, like this, for a purpose. Besides-if there are a few “different’ groups you’re tring to fit in with…. it’s really hard to keep track of. AND WHAT IF YOU SEE someone FROM GROUP A… WHEN YOU”RE WITH GROUP B? Not worth the energy. Too volatile.

So what does work?

I am learning- (and have been , FOREVER it seems!) to value God’s opinion of me, more than other peoples’. Rejection really hurts- because I want people to LIKE me, pretty much everything about me. Have you noticed that people are pretty PICKY? We’re also pretty good at finding SOMETHING to dislike or criticize. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to make everyone happy- or like you.

But God… well He created me, weaknesses, talents and all- for His glory. When I’m rejected by others— I can look to Him… for compassion, assurance, and acceptance. He’s been there. Jesus, put himself “Out There” and has been rejected. Yet, His arms are always open—with acceptance, when we “risk” to trust Him. God desires connection with us- and He promises NO Rejection. Revelation 3 :20 ” Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” We risk- He accepts. We find a place to heal from our rejections.

For me— finding a safe place to connect with other PEOPLE, also helps. I have friends- they know me. Probably, more than they want to know about me. And, they accept me. It took risk, to develop those relationships, but it was worth it. It’s one of my “landing places”… where I can go to recover from lifes rejections.

Finally, it’s “Trying again”. The options are “risk- or die” I’ve not met anyone who died from a single rejection…. but research shows that people can become sick (both physically and emotionally)… and babies can literally DIE without loving contact. If we don’t keep trying- we’ll end up dying.

Spiritually, the Bible says we’re created to be “One Body” each part different, to serve a different purpose. The Bible also says we need to be a “part of the vine.” Have you ever seen grapes, “GROWING” on a piece of cut off vine? Doubful. (Unless you’re hallucinating.) In order to grow- spiritually, we need to be CONNECTED. First, connected to God- then to His body- believers.

Connection requires Risk. Rejection is possible. (OK- at times, it’s probable)
But- if you ask me- it’s worth the risk. I need “groups” not online- but in “real life”.

I think I’ll find another “Group” to join. Maybe this time, I’ll get in. Maybe not.
I’m just glad- that when God “knocked” I answered, and didn’t reject Him!

Der Lord, I know rejection is just a part of life. But, I don’t like it. God- help me to grow compassion from those experiences, and not to reject others. Help me to reach out in love to those who are rejected. God- help me be connected to you- and to fiill my “place” in your body. I love you Lord, Amen.

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January 25
Night. Elie Wiesel, Looking for light- in the darkness of souls.

I am primarily, a “Pollyanna” archetype. By nature…or nurture….I just assume— there has to be a good ending. I have been known to sit in movie theaters–long after the final credits- until pried from my seat… by DH….because- “That Can’t Be The END” I’ve even been known to “edit” in my mind—- and re-write an ending to my liking. I cried, (and thoroughly enjoyed) Pride and Prejudice…..the final scene of connection without “airs” was satisfying. I HATED “Terminal”. I abstain from anything written by Nicholas Sparks. I have cried at the end of “Lady and the Tramp”… just because of the happy ending. Elie Wiesel’s story isn’t intrinsically happy, in the end. Actually, although I’ve read other accounts of the Holocaust, this is the saddest.

Simply put, Elie Wiesel survived the Holocaust. Unfortunately, during the course of suffering, temptation and being surrounded by the basest and lowest of human nature… his faith did not. Elie describes a day- where a child in the concentration camp where he was held, was hanged. He described the poor boy as angelic in face and loved by all. There was no mercy, he was hanged in a torturous way, by men. That day- to Elie- God hung on the gallows as well. The one who could have intervened, did not. There is no fairytale ending- (at least not that he shares-) the reader is left understanding he has lost both- hope and faith.

I do not know, why- when faced with depravity, pain, unspeakable suffering, some turn TOWARD God, and some turn away. I have read, a number of times Corrie Ten Boom’s account of the Holocaust in “The Hiding Place,” I’ve read Dittrich Bonhoffer, who suffered greatly- and experienced the suffering of others—- but found solace in God. I am thankful for their testimonies. And for Elie Wiesel, he has gifted the world- with his honesty and with intimacy, sharing the depth of his loss- far past comfort, torture, humiliationand grief…. he lost his hope and faith. He tells his story- so that we wouldn’t forget. Because if we forget- it will happen again.

I do not pretend to relate to the horror filled experiences of those who were held in concentration camps—- or those currently persecuted, or nations held under a dictators rule…..but- I think there is a holocaust of the soul that we all face—- in different ways, different degrees, through different experiences. We face and experience the unleashed evil that is in us— or in others. Then, we have to choose. What will I believe? About God? Because of this pain? Will I believe he has forsaken me? Or died? Or never existed? Or will I scream out to Him…. reach for Him……rage at Him… like a child at his parent.

So far—- crisis’ have found me running to God. Yes- sometimes to scream, sometimes to whine…. sometimes just to cry. I have not experienced what Elie Wiesel has. In his place, I can’t anticipate how I would respond. His narrative painfully describes his desire- to do the right things— (help his father.. help others) and his battle with his conflicting desires to “Do the wrong things” – to be rid of others- so he could survive. He has experienced- the darkest places in the souls of others, and in himself. When faced with that darkness, I’m not sure what I’d fear more—-the darkness i find in me? Or, in others?

I wonder about the German Soldiers…. the SS? Without condoning or excusing, they were at least, decieved. At worst, evil and hateful. I can’t imagine what went on in the mind of Hitler….or of his followers. But- I know this about myself, It’s pretty easy to justify my sinful actions…. it’s pretty easy to think I’m right, when I’m wrong. No- I don’t torture, starve or mutilate people. I haven’t left my dying father behind— to search for him later. But- the seeds of self preservation…. of selfishness… of self right-ness….and of self importance are all there. Have I hated? Yes. Have I been selfish? Yes. Have I hurt others? Yes. Have I suffered from the sins of others? Yes. The seeds of compassion- and trust in God- regardless of my circumstances….or seeds of bitterness and self hatred, the seeds are there- but,I can choose what they become.

There have been others- to suffer-Paul suffered greatly — imprisoned, tortured etc. Paul, also- had persecuted and killed Christians..when faced with his- and others darkness- Paul found strength in God. Job, suffered all manner of loss—- and screamed out to God. David suffered both from his sin- and that of others—-many of the Psalms are his heart poured out before God, evidence of his turing toward God. ( albeit sometimes loudly!) I pray I can follow their example- in big and small pains, that I can learn from their mistakes, as well as from the testimony of Elie Wiesel.

I am not looking for pain. I avoid it at great cost. But, it’s a part of life. Darkness is a part of life. I don’t know what makes others look into darkness and find God— I only know that I want to as well. One tiny star shines so bright in the dark sky. The contrast is remarkable. Maybe the contrast between God’s holiness and our sinfulness- are meant- not to make us think less of us- but more of Him.

Dear Lord- first I pray for those suffering rt now- whether from past hurts- or current ones. I pray especially for the survivors of the Holocaust, that they find peace in you. I pray for those who lost loved ones- that they bring their grief to you- for comfort. Lord- I pray for those persecuted for their faith- even now- that they find hope and strength in you. I pray for those oppressed- that they find freedoom in you. Lord- I pray, that when faced with darkness, in my soul- or others—- that I would look for you—- and find hope. That I would allow the darkness to become a background for your brilliant light. Lord- I pray that Elie Wiesel, would find hope and faith again. Always. I love you Lord- amen.
These scriptures have helped- me when faced with the darkness of soul…..both mine and others- I pray they bring you peace as well.
Roman’s 7 :7-25
Struggling With Sin
7What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “Do not covet.”[b] 8But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death.
11For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

I believe- with all my heart- that the only way our of darkness- and into light is thru Jesus.

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January 24
Can you hear me now? Better question: Can I hear what you SAY… or is my brain too loud?
It’s not a joke- I am “hearing impaired” in a lot of ways.

In the medical sense- for some not as yet determined reason…. I have a pressure problem with my left ear. No- it’s not a “low pressure zone” due to a lack of brain in between….. What it means medically- is it’s hard for me to hear with my left ear. I constantly have to ask—- “Did you say_______?” or, ” What did you say?” I try to listen extra carefully—–I ask clarifying questions— to make sure I’ve heard right—-but sometimes- I THINK I’ve heard something I didn’t. It’s especially hard in a group- terribly hard if i’m seated on an end of a table with my “bad ear” to the crowd.

It drives my kids NUTS. It drives me- my spouse- and probably ,my friends, crazy. At the moment- it’s driving my oldest and I into fights for NO REASON at all……. because he had an ear infection—-we’re having trouble clearing up—– and he can’t hear either!

It’s interesting—-I’ve learned, that,- when your ears- don’t HEAR everything thats said—- your BRAIN steps in and interprets… it fills in the blanks.

For example: I could physically hear: “Did you mufflle muffle rumbly sound the car?”

My brain interprets- it as…. “Did you put gas in the car?”

I answer: “Yes.”

Later–(with my good ear- I hear:) –“MOM, the basketball hit dads car…….”

then—from My Husband…. “I thought you said you moved the car?”

Conflict. And- actually- damage. All because I’m hard of hearing.

I think – we can all be prone to “hearing problems”.

My hearing problems aren’t always based on the physical. Sometimes my brain interprets…. without having blanks to fill in!

As a new mom– I can remember the pressure I felt- when I’d take my litttle guys to the doctor……..I was so afraid- they were thinking I was a bad mother… middle son had allergies–asthmatic reactions to them as well. The pediatrician recommended some allergen removal techniques…you know- wash everything- encase mattress in plastic/vinyl…. change pillows— dust etc…. I heard what he SAID… but my “brain” would be yelling/interpreting for me…LOUDLY “The Dr said….He’s sick— and it’s because you’re a lousy houskeeper” The Dr didn’t SAY that— but it’s sure what I heard.

As a leader- I’ve had the same things happen….someone voices a small concern… or a criticism…. or a valid point… but instead of hearing what they SAID…. and acting on it…. My brain screams out—- “You shouldn’t be in charge of anything….you don’t know what you’re doing” it’s not (usually) what was SAID…. but it is sometimes what I’ve heard.

My hearing problem… affects all of my relationships—- even my relationship with God. The bible says “all have sinned” I hear—- (On a bad day) You suck. Sinner. Loser. It’s NOT what the Lord, through His word SAID…but sometimes- its what I HEAR.

The loud mouth in my head–(and yes- I’m aware of the line between psychosis and self awareness– ) comes from a lot of different experiences…. her perspective/ or hearing problem, is based on her/MY experiences….Over the years—- I’ve learned- she’s not always right in her interpretation. SHe interprets thru the language of her experience. She fills in blanks that aren’t there. The truth is… sometimes- what someone SAYS — means JUST that. Nothing more- nothing less.

It’s important to ask a follow-up question… just to be sure “you heard right”.

Over the years- I’ve gotten better at telling my “brain” to shut up.

It’s important to recognize our own areas of “hearing trouble”… maybe yours is the in ability to hear compliments…. or the assumption that everything is a criticism of YOU, personally…..I don’t know what specifically it is—- but I know this— In order to be the best mother I can be… the best leader I can be….I need God to help me with MINE! Maybe- you do too.

Dear Lord- I have asked you for healing— for my physical ear- a number of times—- I’m asking again. But really- Lord—-I need to be healed in my hearing of all things—-help me to hear what is said—- not what my “brain” fills in…. about – you–especially. I also pray for others- that they can hear whats’ said—- and learn to know it as separate from the voices in our heads. May your voice- always be the loudest- or at least the CLEAREST that I hear… i love you Lord… amen.

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January 23
Ummmm …..would you believe…my dog ate my sock needle?
Somedays, I’m just surprised…..

At Sami’s creaativity, and speed.

Sami, is my beagle. She’s a BAD DOG. And, she’s fast.

It’s true- the embossed leaves socks—- that have caused me so much torment—-and taught me so much…..have been her latest culinary adventure. Apparently, she really finds the Swallow Casein Needles tasty. Look closely at the pic below…..can anyone tell me…… how much guage differentiation should I plan for—- in regards to TOOTH marks—- and a missing needle tip? (Or third? as she ate about one third of one needle.)

I have just kept knitting on—–honestly- these socks are now a quest.

As for Sami….. well- like a toddlers mom… (which I am, as well) all I can say is…. I was sitting right here…. I set them down… for just a second…. then—-crunch munch….faster than a teenager eats taco-bell….I’m one third of a needle shy of a set of five DPN’s….. and OF COURSE…. this is a pattern with a 16 stitch lace repeat—ANDa toe that forms a STAR pattern all based o n five needles…… I suppose I CAN make 4 needles work…… but geez….what a pain.

You can also see my Tempting sweater—– inching along…. I managed to find MORE debbiebliss aran weight in #614…a perfect match. so—- as stress relief….i’m k2p2-ing my heart out—-

In the pic you can see the pretty piece of hand dyed silk ribbon, I bought as the finishing touch…..

Since I cast this on MONTHS ago—— I suppose it would be good to FINISH it. Like, SOON. Like before SUMMER. Besides—- this is on Addi’s—- even bad dog sami– hasn’t eaten any Addis—– YET.

On a funnier note—- I did read a post– a while back— that had a warning about dogs, and casein needles—- that they could “smell” the milk protein……and were prone to eat them…. but- what about all the OTHER things that Sami eats? Like my cracker barrel rocker…. or longaberger baskets….. or Noah’s Jacket?

Not so easy to explain. However—- I’d recommend keeping your needles- safe from your pet—–

Probably better for everyone involved.

Dear Lord- I know I’m a lot like Sami—- you’re right there- sitting with me—- and I’m pretty FAST to get myself into trouble…. with my temper– or my mouth…..especially. Mostly not from things I EAT.. but from things I say! I ask you to—-keep a close eye on me Lord- help me and remind me—-and well… I guess- occaisionally—- MUZZLE ME! I love you Lord- and thank you for this bad -dog- who constantly reminds me of how patient you are with Me! amen-

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January 20
Knitting, FiberGodmother…updates- and a new discovery- ugly koigu socks. My new skill.
Just when I start to think…” Hey- I’m getting pretty good at knitting……”

I take two of my favorite things- Lace and koigu KPPM….. combine them without swatching……and Voila…..I discover a new “Dimension” in knitting. Ugly Koigu Lace socks.

Ok- they are still pretty colors—- but- combinations just don’t work. The pretty, pink and black koigu KPPM… would be much better suited to a design that would highlight it’s variegations— instead of compete with it… as it does with the terrific “Embossed Leaves Pattern” I have been working on….

In my total denial, of the possibility of “ugly koigu socks”— I plowed ahead—yes- I’m stubborn- finishing the first sock….. thinking to myself— maybe once I block it…it’ll work…. NOT. It just isn’t “doing it” for me….So- I have cast on in Regia “Silk Shine” in a pretty, and SOLID burgundy. Much better in this! I like the pattern—- so am OK with this go around!

Next I need to catch up on a few SP FiberGodmother things—-

The card below is from my Fiber Godmother—–THNX! Looking forward to the fun!

And I have already heard from my SP 7 a couple of times! Including via- the little cutie- below!

Things have been crazy here- but I’ll do better posting from here- out!

off to knit this sock- I WILL make a complete Pair—- won’t I??????

As for the first Sock in Koigu—- well- Idon’t think it’s second sock syndrome…. if it’s INTENTIONAL… it?

oh well- ya gotta learn somehow.

SP Card pictured below- is from My FiberGodmother—- THNX!!!!

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January 18
“Girlfriend poll” still open… but the winner is…. !!!

If you email me your addy, I’ll send you out a copy of Elisa Morgan’s new book “Twinkle”!

Thnx to everyone who posted—- this is helping my prep hugely!

If you’d like to e-mail me your answers to avoid setting up a MSN passport— you can do so thru my profile.

Have knitting update to post later!

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January 17
“Sistah Girlfriend’s” Comment Query- Prize for comment #50 —-What about your FRIENDS? Girlfriends- inside out
I’m prepping for a talk, I’m giving at a MOPS group on Thursday…. I NEED YOUR HELP!

If you have comment #50 in this section- you will recieve a prize-(If you comment seperately, for each question- that WILL count!) if you’re a knitter- a knitting treat- (set of stitch markers- by Me;) if a MOPs leader- or other visitor—-another special treat- if preferred. If you want to know what MOPS is…. check this out: ( it has NOTHING to do with floors…

Instead of consulting “a book”, or using personal experience- I thought I ‘d ask YOU!

My topic is: “Friendships between Women”

Please take a sec to weigh in YOUR opinion on all- or one- of the following questions….in my comment area. just copy your question and type in yur answer— THNX so much!

1) Where did you meet your friends?

2) Average length of your friendships?

3) What do you like about your friend(s)?

4) What do you NEED from friend (s)?

5) How do you make/spend time with your friends?

6) If married- how does your spouse feel about your “girlfriend time”? Tips for helping with spouses?

7) Communication with your friends most often takes place.. by Phone? E-mail, Face to face, snail-mail…other?

8) Common challenges you face with your friends?

9) MOST important quality, you look for in a friend?

10) What you love most about your friends…

OK- thats it—- post away—–


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January 16
Target Parking Lot—- Who’s the JERK?
I really DO.

No- I really , truly, DO. Try to do the right things for the right reasons.

Honest. I do. Sad truth is— that sometimes makes me feel … well… like I’m a “good person”.

Then something like this happens…… I act like a jerk. Suddenly I remember- “All have sinned and fallen short of the Gory of God”

It wasn’t a huge thing— not really—-

I went to Target— after loading my car, I just pushed the cart a bit. to move it out of my way… I just didn’t feel like walking it to the “Cart Corral”. Of course, this was the ONE time i get a cart with SMOOTH, FREE ROLLING wheels…. the cart rolled rt into the bumpers of two cars next to and in front of mine. I looked- it was fine.

Now- I am the person- who leaves notes saying, “Hi- my cart bumped your car… it did no damage- but if theres anything your concerned about – or find that I didn’t please give me a call….. blah blah….the right thing.

This night I did nothing- a cursory look- that was it-

I started to leave. A woman yelled to me…. “DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?”

I said, “Yes, I checked- it’s fine, would you like to see for your self?”
yeah- with some sarcastic annoyance and embarrassment- that I LOOKED like I was just leaving without doing anything….and I knew I hadn’t done what I normally would have…

She said: “Did you hit my car too?” (well, I would have, If I knew you were such a jerk.I look for jerks cars to hit with carts— I’m a SAHM… it’s what we DO. my head- not out loud)

I got annoyed. “NO, I didn’t.”

“Thats what they have cart corrals for” she informed me…

“Yeah- thanks thats good to know” was may wonderful comeback.

And then- as I drived away- I mouthed “jerk”. Nice and clear. I don’t think she saw me…. no one did. But, I did.

All the way home- I vascillated between justifiying my anger towards her .. and feeling guilty for not living up to my own standards. By the time I got home I was a mess.

Here’s the thing. I WAS WRONG. I was being lazy. I bumped 2 people’s car in the parking lot- with a cart- not intentionally- and I did no damage… BUT… I could have doen the right thing- taken FULL responsibility… not MINIMAL responsibility…. I could have been “caught” leaving a note- for no reason- other than a desire to do the right thing….. maybe that “butinski” would have had a different experience with me….instead….she got sacrastic. She got—-“Thanks, that’s good to know” and a nicely mouthed “jerk” behind her back….

Nice,headline… huh? “Christian leader calls woman a jerk, because leader was to lazy to put away her cart-” and bumped 2 bumpers……I don’t know who the “Butinski Target Woman” is….. but you know what? With the information that she had… she was right. It happens every day. I ‘ve had it happen to me… go in- car is fine- come out— theres a ding in the door- no note- nothing…. what was there to make her think I was any different? Not my actions.

This time, there were no marks… but there aren’t always VISIBLE “marks” when it comes to sin….

I’m NOT saying that not walking my cart to the little corral was sin…..I’m saying my attidude… my response… my name calling were. And, although they may have left no visible marks….. I’m sure she went home and said “I can’t believe what I saw at Target Today…. A lady let her cart go- and it bumped two cars…. she just looked and left…….what a jerk.” (or worse). Was she right? Did she do anything wrong? Well- I think so—she was pretty nasty about the whole thing….. and I choose to respond in NASTY kind, right back.

Bummer is—- When I stand before Jesus, I don’t get to say… “Well Look what SHE did! She SET me OFF. She should check her facts, and MIND HER OWN Business!”

Actually- I’m glad I don’t get to do that…. I wonder how many fingers would then be pointing at me… saying it was “MY FAULT” they had acted that way.. I SET THEM OFF…

There’s another issue. See- I really DO want to do the right things. Whether anyone sees or not—–not because I want to “Be Good” but because I want to represent Christ , well. He loves me- and well- I love Him. So, like any other relationship- I want to please Him…

See, that lady at Target—- she saw a “CHRISTIAN” act like a JERK……( truthfully- she probably never thought about whether I was a Christian or not…. I didn’t exactly give her any HINTS that I was….) My actions, could have reinforced a popular cultural myth.. “Christians are hypocritic jerks”. I was.

It’s just a good thing I don’t have one of those “Icthus(Jesus) fish” on my car…..I’d have really BLOWN it. jk. jk.

Here’s the difference: between the myth- and the reality:

See- I KNOW I am a jerk. I GET that I have a human tendancy towards hypocrisy and blaming others—–
Thats why I need Jesus. To help me grow out of it… and to forgive me for it.

Authentic Christianity, isn’t about BEING perfect… it’s about being forgiven…forgiving others- and learning to live like it.


Dear Fellow Target Shopper- (who saw me at Target/Canton- last Thurs nt)

You were right, I was just being lazy. I’m sorry for calling you a jerk…. and for being being a jerk.

Next time- to the Cart Corral I go. I hope you can forgive me.


Dear Lord- I know it wasn’t an “end of the world”…. type sin…but, I also know you saw- from the inside out—- what a jerk I was. I’m sorry for treating others like that- for the sarcasm and justifying, and for trying to take the easier way out, instead of the better way—- I know the feeling of doing whats right—- and of doing what’s wrong…. thnx for using the lady at Target—- to remind me….thank you for your patience and forgiveness—– I do love you Lord. Amen

Roman’s 3:21-2621But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
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Auto Show—- not so bad!

North American Auto Show: Mission Accomplished. Excuse the Dodge plug- but they did take our pic– for free….

Well….. I was myself. Ok.. I was myself- WITH major make-up- heels and a gown.. but you know.. I managed to be authentic- character wise.

The People DH works with now, are much more “REAL”… it was a much better event. More comfortable… not SNOOTY butt stuff… which I hate. They also don’t seem to drink until they are obnoxious…which I appreciated, too! What you drink with your dinner- is your decision… but if it makes you act obnoxious and nasty… or just plain impossible to be around…while I am supposed to be with you– well, thats rude.

The Cars were- well- SHINEY. There you go. That’s my opinion. They were SHINEY, and the ones I prefer- can’t fit a car seat.. so they are basically POINTLESS. Besides…. I really think it’s nuts to spend a MORTGAGE amount on a car…. PLEASE.

Like anything else- if you sell it— people will buy— and buy and buy…. In a market driven economy… ya gotta have a car for every budget.

And a dress for every show—- this was mine…I NEVER say this— but it was prettier in person…..pic wasn’t very good—- but- I forgot my camera!!!

Dress stats:
Sue Wong Nocturne- It was ; red bias cut ,matte silk, with red beading, beautiful hemline…beading on back as well.same as front- have to say— most designers cut dresses for starved models— this dress worked for an actual woman… yahoo!

Miine was on clearance @ Von Maur…. gotta love that.

I always wear black… but- I loved this dress…. fit well…. beading worked– and red is good for me… first time I ever- bought the first dress I tried on! The shoes however—- I should have splurged on…. so painful.. I ended up walking to the limo without shoes .. in the rain….and the freezing cold…. yeah- they hurt that much.

(yeah- thats a lie, I tell it every year…..sorry)

Dear Lord, I just want to thank you for helping me, to be myself at the Gala— and not to get all caught up- in the craziness of it all…I pray the funds raised will bless the receivers…..I also want to thank you for the whole dress debacle…. it has been so hard in the past—- but this one- was much easier to choose—-It may have just been me Lord— but, since I asked for help in advance— I’m thinkin it was you! I love you Lord- and pray you’ll help me to always walk with you— no matter WHAT shoes I’m wearing! But- please remind me next year—- to go for COMFORT, or pack up slippers! Amen.

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January 13
I did it! “Hanne Falkenberg: Mermaid” A knitters commitment. and the North American Autoshow Gala Preview.(not necessarily related) ADD post.

Hanne Falkenberg Sweater Kit- “Mermaid” in colorway #10
a few stats:
all garter stitch. (I can handle that)
Black, Charcoal and Fuschia… MY COLORS.
3mm needles– hmmm well thats a LOT of garter stitch then…

How could it NOT look good, even on me?

I ordered it here:

I’m cheap.

I’m a shopper- but I’m CHEAP. Nothing is purchased without being on sale…preferably CLEARANCE sale.

Knitting kits seldom are. SO I’ve scoured the internet- and this online shop in the UK has the kits for about HALF of what they cost here. I’m a bit nervous about it— they seem reputable… but could there be something wrong with it??? Is is fake or something? Doesn’t look like it- but will see when it gets here.

Why such an ordeal over a sweater kit?

1) I love it.
2) I don’t usually buy kits, nor have I knit many sweaters- (mostly cause it kills me to have to buy that much of one yarn at a time….)
3) It will be a challenge…. I LOVE a challenge. (knitting or otherwise)

There seems to be plenty of online support via- others experience…both pro-and con— makes it look easy.
This forum makes it look pretty tough- but , problems overcome- I think can learn from their struggles…
SO- I did it. I’m waiting for it’s arrival….

Am almost to the heel of my first “Embossed Leaves Socks” From Interweave Knits Winter 05.
Goal is to finish these before kit arrives—should be easy- after tonight—-

Cause tonight…. I have to go to something I don’t really like.
The North American Autoshow Preview Gala

DH works in the automotive /computer industry…. he’s phenomenal at what he does- and really loves cars– and the manufacturing process…. so, while it’s nice to be able to be supportive- and see him “in his element” of networking etc…
I well…. lets just say, I care about it cause he does- but thats about it.
Lack of interest isn’t really my problem about tonight….
Tonight, while “theoretically” a Charity Benefit- (which I’m all about) it is “experientially” about a lot of PRETENSE.
A Lot of MONEY.
A lot of “boozing” (honestly- to me- intoxicated people are pretty annoying)
A lot of FAKE. (hair, boobs, jewels- rented tuxes..toupees..fake interest-fakey relationships….”air kisses” blah blah.)
Now, there is a lot of business relationship networking- which I’m NOT criticizing….but there is also a lot of celebrity watching- (and celebrity wanna-bees) and show -offy- fakeness.
It’s about a lot of “keeping up with the joneses” and one-up manship.
But- like my post yesterday- It’s amazing what we do for love…..
I love my DH- and in order to support him… well— I will WALK THE LINE.
The Line looks like this:
1) I will make myself “presentable” (but- there will be a few “fake” items about myself tonight as well… nails .(thats the norm though) ..eyelashes…whatever “SUPPORT” ummmm “UNDERGIRDING” it will take to pry myself into a gown that “works for me” and WILL be on Clearance… I guarantee.
2) I will be authentic- there are “authentically”, people- I respect and am nice to because of their “position”…more so than their personality. I will .
3) I will do my best to represent my DH’s executive position well.
4) I will NOT get caught up in all the… “one-up’s and showing off’s” . (though, honestly… it can be hard….)
5) I will actually enjoy the “whole princess thing” Dressing up- blah blah….
I’m pretty much a priss- a priss with a lot of dichotomous preferences… i know… knitting, I’m a make-up girl…I’m a shoe/handbag girl…I’m a “Coordinate everything “woman….I love to read… I love classic lit…I love rock music…I love being a SAHM… but, consider myself a “professional” and handle myself as such….(though- thechnicall a SAHM… I am seldom HOME.) I love AUTHENTICTY.but always have fake nails– and usually make-up. (though , I once did a talk on self-worth where I wore NO make-up to make a point.) .I love fishing…(went to the ULTIMATE Fishing show/expo last nt) Camping…beach..did I say BEACH? SUNSHINE. SUNSHINE. Jet-skiing– FAST. VERY FAST. WAY CRAZY “SO fast I can barely hold on and have trouble walking for days after”……FAST.

I get the dichotomy. EXTREME differences in interests.
I guess you really can’t judge a book by it’s cover….or woman by her make-up, or shoes…(I’v’e been known to wear heels /a long blazer while fishing with my sons. )


Hmmmm…. now I’m feeling something— could that be– guilt? Hypocrisy? yep.

blah blah- I hate fakeyness— blah blah … don’t judge a book by it’s cover…. OK. I hear you Lord. OUCH.

New goal for tonight:

To TRY to see people, and relate to people for who they are (awesome unique creations of God- with their own “Dichotomies”) and not judge them by the situation I see them in— A Gala.

I’m going to need help.

Dear Jesus- thank you- for letting/helping me see my attittude…God- there are some things that are just WRONG…and,while I can see them.. (pretty clearly!) please help me to still see the people inside of the pretense- help me to love extremely tonight- and represent you well…and Lord- I could use some help finding a dress ON SALE that doesn’t make me look fat. I love you Jesus! Amen.

going to buy a dress and get ready.
later- ts

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January 12
Dog Diapers- and other- “delicate” issues..what we do for love..
Do you ever find yourself AMAZED at the Extreme things you do for love? It’s sometimes shocking- once in a while funny. I’m not talking about sick or co-dependant behavior… I’m talking about the things we do to care for those we love…..i.e.

My Dog wears a diaper.

OK- it’s a Dog Diaper….

But, it’s DIAPER either way.

It’s not for what you’re probably thinking-or for what diapers are usually used for….– let’s just say- SAMI is a sweet GIRL…..and GIRLS have certain… SEASONS….. (hows’ that? OK- fine- you’re gonna MAKE me say it…Sami is in heat!)

Sami is a beautiful Beagle— DH and sons have planned on breeding her since we welcomed her into our family. NOT SO MUCH ANYMORE.

It’s winter time- this is her second “season”…last one was in July- we live in MI— can you say “OUTSIDE Sami”?

Not working in the winter. So, here we are- what feels like countless times a day, I take her diaper off- let her out- bring her in, put it back on.. it’s basically, well, gross. But Sami is a part of our family- we love her- Noah shares food from his plate with her–LITERALLY OFF HIS PLATE. – (NOT with my approval, I might add,–I told him it’s gross- he said “Sami likes it…” (as though I were implying eating from HIS plate was gross…) We don’t elevate her to the level of human…. but we love her- and care for her….and at this point- for a few weeks- that means: We Diaper her.

It’s gross – but tolerable… EXCEPT the time I was exhausted- and put her out-to do her evening DUTY– FORGETTING to take her diaper off—-when I went to bring her in… lets just say— her diaper experience was FULLER than it had been up to this point… NASTY. Since The diaper cover thing- (denim is big again this year for all of us.. even Sami) is NOT disposable….well- you can imagine. I was tempted to throw the $18.99 diaper in the trash.

I suppose I should be thankful that doggy diapers have been invented…but- honestly- for Valentine’s day- I’m asking for no chocolates-no Day at the SPA for me… just an appointment for Sami with the vet for a little doggy SPA day— (read: fix that DOG!)

But- well- Sami’s worth it.

Truth is– I have messes to clean up from all those I love— MOST are not nearly as GROSS (some of the stuff I find growing in my teens rooms come close!)… but- messes , hurts- accidents are all a part of love. Sometimes the messes are my own—and my family tolerates them- as we do poor Sami girl…sometimes the messes are messes we are in or create together. Fights- tempers flare- words are sarcastically spoken— rules are defied….(OHHHH…. THE MOUTHS OF TEENS…. and even worse— their MOTHERS!)

I constantly try to remind myself—- this is extreme love—- being willing to stick it out and help, through messy “seasons” because we love and value relationships with loved ones, more than inconveniences- big or small….

I know that Love- is not exclusive to any culture- or religion. Love stands every test of time and crosses every barrier—- but I can attest to this fact:

The reason I can love , in any “season” is because Jesus- has already extended EXTREME love to me— He’s lovingly- (without resentment— unlike me!) helped clean up the messes in me- and in my life—- He’s paid the price for my sin….Jesus has decided I am worth the mess and hassle- just to be HIS…

Countless times a day- God graciously forgives me—helps me, reminds me—cleans me up- and puts me back where I belong— right with Him….

I guess, I can do the same for others— even Sami Girl.

1 John 4 God’s Love and Ours 7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son[b] into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for[c] our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Dear Lord- I am so thankful that your love is Extreme.. I thank you for all the times you patiently help clean up my messes.. or stand lovingly by- as you guide me in how to clean them up myself…and for the times- when you “contain my mess” so it doesn’t hurt my family….I’m messy Lord- I blow it- please help me to be more forgiving- because you have already forgiven me of so much! It will NEVER cease to amaze me, how loving and merciful you are! Amen

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1:35 PM

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January 11
An open letter to The Detroit Pistons/Automotion…”Nakey Ladies No play basketball” Noah- 3 1/2
“Nakey Ladies, No play basketball” Noah- 3 1/2 (Comment on hearing a discussion about the New Automotion Calendar on the radio . )

“DEEEEEEEEETROIT BASKETBALLLLLLLLLL!” also- Noah- age 3 1/2. He’s a Piston’s fan. He’s got it down- he’s got “swag”- jersey’s shorts outfits- etc.He could be your next sports caster- ready to uphold the Detroit tradition- which can be heard, here: As Noah is 3 1/2- I’m writing on his behalf- and on behalf of other Moms- of daughters of all ages and sons.

Dear Detroit Pistons, The Automotion Dance Team and Detroit WB:

I am a Mom of three sons- ages 16,13 and 3 1/2. And, although I don’t always agree with my 3 1/2 year olds opinion- on this one I concur- wholeheartedly. “Nakey” ladies don’t play basketball- nor, do they have anything to do with basketball. To his young eyes- ladies in skimpy outfits- are the same as ladies in their underwear. Underwear clad ladies are naked. It’s simple enough for a preschooler.

The Detroit Pistons have historically and currently- been promoted and enjoyed, as “family entertainment”… I appreciate the “family nights” the- “the Kids Crew” portion of the Piston’s website, the auctions etc- that the Piston’s participate in, to benefit Kids. However- the downward slope of both Automotion’s costuming and marketing (ie new calendar)is in direct conflict to this goal.

Automotion, whether between plays or at halftime, has become a “time to turn the channel” part of our- and many others, Detroit Pistons experience.
Once we change the channel, the WB has lost viewers.

I am also disappointed, and disturbed in how this Automotion’s choices (and the Piston’s by default) as role models to young girls. Automotion hold a number of “Dance Camps” and maintains a “Jr Automotion Dance Team”. ( ) In so doing, they are reaching out to young girls- and helping them to accomplish their dreams. (Which COULD have been both noble and appreciated goals.) Instead- they are encouraged- and groomed- to “being like Automotion”. Thus- Automotion- has placed themselves in the role model position. Instead of leading girls toward being strong- beautiful, talented and respected women, the girls are led to follow an example of becomming a sexual object.

I understand fully- and accept, the responsibility as a parent, to monitor and maintain my children’s (and teens) exposure to media and the legal rights we are all granted thru the first amendment’s “freedom of speech”.

I am not debating the “legality” of these decisions. I am appealing to and debating their “morality” and their implications in our already sexually dysfunctional culture. (simply “google” help for sexual addictions, for examples of this downward slopes natural end. )

Is this what The Detroit Pistons, Detroit WB and Automotions’desires to promote? A role model (and training camp) for girls to become sexual objects? Do you wish to display and promote- not “DEEETROITT BASKETAAAALLLLL” but, instead promote “Nakey Ladies”?

Here’s my advice- keep the beautiful, talented women. Let them dance. Dance is an incredible and fun part of life. Keep helping girls achieve their dreams- help them dream bigger,than becoming sex objects.
Keep Automotion- have them to help build excitement in the stands and the larger audience- FOR THE GAME. WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON….as for additional promotional ideas- and ways to raise funds- how bout a carwash? (OK- that WAS sarcastic-humor- sorry!)


Tracey, a Mom and wife, of Piston’s fans in MI.

If you visited my blog today and YOU’RE NOT The Detroit Pistons, Detroit WB or Automotion- I ask for your understanding in my posting my “rant”/letter I have been involved in pastoral counseling for about 13 years, and have seen many negative consequences in both teen girls, families and individuals due to the over all decline in modesty- and the marketing of sex- to all ages. In a culture where anorexia, bulimia, body image, self esteem issues,child pornography and sexual addictions (about to be listed in the DSMV-V) are openly discussed and accepted as the problems they are- it amazes and frustrates me that we are here at all.

I’m not a crusader- or political activist- I do, however- encourage others who recognize this as damaging- to take advantage of “the power of the remote” (a cherished power in a home with 4 men/boys) and TURN THE CHANNEL. Marketing is all about money- they won’t sell what we won’t BUY!

Here are some articles,resources that inspired it:

I’ll post again later- with something a bit more- “knitter” friendly… I promise!

FYI- this letter is being sent, not just posted.

Also- I understand the controversial nature of my opinion- and ask one thing- I am open to comments- but this is MY BLOG- it’s like visiting me personally- I expect to be treated with the same respect I have given. Attackful comments- or otherwise inappropriate language in comments will be deleted. Respectful disagreements, will be left to stand on their own.

thnx ts

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11:14 AM

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January 09
Quick knit update…
OK- ACTUAL Knitting content!

Yahoo! – Finished my Malabrigo Clapotis… I love it- big- warm and UNBELIEVABLE soft.. Malabrigo has GOT to be the best wool (Merino actually) that I’ve knit with so far…. Done on Addi turbo’s #8’s … color- is “Purple Mystery” purchased from Needles & Pins- in London, Ontario- by darling DH…

pattern: free- gotta love that.

Next up- finished that LINGERING Falling Leaves scarf- in alchemy handpainted cashmere- (again my DH ‘s purchase… he’s a sweety- travels for work- and the LYS near his headquarters- now KNOWS him….)

anyway love how this blocked out as well—-

finally- an item cast-on– (oh my) started “Embossed leaves lace socks” from Winter 05 Interweave knits….in a koigu kppm… hot pink/black colorway- that I’can’t find the # of sorry- but love the yarn… swallow double points # 2s (they are the casein protein needles- nice flexibility for lace knitting— all those k2togs… ssk’s etc- a bit easier with bendy needles……also smooth- slip thru the wool nicely without losing stitches when I set it down…happy with them- (first project on them) but still like the feel of my lantern moon ebony’s better…

ok- thats it for now- just had to share—- nice to have F’O’s for a change- that aren’t mittens or fingerless gloves!

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5:57 PM

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Hi I’m Tracey, I’m Resolution Avoidant….
OK- It’s true. I’m Resolution Avoidant.

Have you noticed? While the world blogged about New Years Resolutions…I’ve avoided them like the plague.

It has started to bother me. A little.

Part of me (probably my emotions) said- “maybe it’s just false guilt….like I’m SUPPOSED to what others DO at this time of year….”

My brain said- “Nope, that’s not it”

Another part of me said—- “Maybe it’s because I DON’T like to do what others are doing— just to make a point.”

My brain “veto”ed that one too. (Though ,I liked it better, as a choice in general…)

SO my emotions asked my brain… “OK- whats your problem?”

My brain replied..”You don’t like to make commitments you don’t follow thru with…. and you’d rather complain about these things than DO something about them…”

All of me said OUCH.

Yeah- it’s probably true….when I look back at my blog/journal… I see a number of things I LIKE to complain about- but not necessarily CHANGE. Maybe cause it’s more fun… maybe cause I HATE to fail…. Maybe cause the goals are a bit overwhelming.

So. OK. This is it. What are the things I need to change? A New Year IS a good opportunity to look over last year and make some course corrections… here I go… drum roll please……..or not.

Goals in the New Year…..

1) I really want to be more consciencious in my Bibly-study and teaching. Am reading John MaCarthur’s bk”Fools Gold”… While I don’t agree with everything he says-I do feel I need to be more careful— not trying to make scripture fit my ideas— but fitting my ideas to line up with scripture— and assuring contextual agreement when I teach- not taking stuff even a little out of context to substantiate my points…

2) Take better care of my self- physically- yes- read:LOSE weight. I think it’s a matter of self care… I’ve been pretty lazy about eating whats EASY and convenient instead of whats HEALTHY. Also need to get back into an exercise habit… have a few minor health issues that would improve with a little effort….or deteriorate over time with out effort– (funny how that works- isn’t it? )

3) Work on some relationships…..closer is always better- but requires EFFORT.

4) Start SAVING money….- last years goal was (sadly-because it SHOULD have just been HAPPENING- not have to be a goal!) Now- I want to work on- adding to whats in the bank. (for a change)

5) Write something- everyday…. journal,blog, articles- talks….scrapbooking counts too…

OK- those are my main goals-

a few miscellaneous goals.. ( read: I’ll either accomplish them or not- we’ll see)
1) actually FINISH all my UFO’s (knitting term- un finished objects…)
2) keep up with my housework better— guess I SHOULD do this… just don’t really WANT to do it. ( I want things neater – i just want someone else to do it!)
3) spend less time online- goofing off- (doing something is fine- but you know how it is- sometimes I’;m really doing NOTHING.)

But heres the thing- they are nothing unless I have a plan of action.

so I’ll do that—- TOMORROW…


Plan of Action:

1) go to My fitness place this afternoon- and get a new card— membership up to date- but umm my card isn’t.
update calendar to include work out time
2) Find a good inductive biblestudy- book store this afternoon. or amazon now—-ok i have a study bible- that was just a way to put it off— will start with Phillipians today.
3) Transfer some Money into CU savings acct. (may have DH do this)
4) Already wrote this- so I’m already started there-
5) Send out an e-mail to my accountability people- to askthem hold me accountable to my goals….(also heps with goal #3)

OK- thats it- theres my plan.

now,to go do laundry….Man i do laundry EVERY day!

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12:18 PM

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January 08
Following up to Cranky in the happy place…..
I promised to follow up- to a previous post, about cranky people In Disney World…..

I saw a lot of them. At moments- I was one of them…..

There seems to be a battle- within each adult present at Disney World… well at least this one- but I think probably more- if they were honest…

Part of me sees the CASH outlay as investment in memories—-which is incomparable in value and worth…
Part of me, wants to see the cost effectiveness of FUN per dollar=fun per hour…. OR ELSE.

I start my days well- with thought like—- “this is a precious day together- the weather doesn’t really matter- whether or NOT we get to ride Soarin’….. doen’t matter… our time waiting in lines- can be FUN… We’ll be TOGETHER….. There are plenty of dining options- everyone should be happy…we have plentty of time- we’re here ALL week…..”

Then suddenly- it’s 11:00 a.m. and we haven’t gotten out of the hotel……and the locks ticking no longer sounds like an inviting cartoon ticking—-m-i-c-k-e-y- m-o-u-s-e…. now it sounds like an evil mocking tease— You’re -not- gonna -get -anything- DONE. What- a -waste- of -Money… brain starts the cost/fun analysis……

I am now one of them- the CRANKY in the Happiest Place on Earth… MUST resist the pull of the cranks—- must think HAPPY thoughts…..

Then I see a teenager- (who happens to be mine) sitting with his dad….patting his baby brother on the head…. a little guy- teasing his big boys—-the look of awe on his face as he MEETS Tigger…….

Then I’m back- a happy Mom- in a happy place…

The battle continued all week– somedays I won- somedays I lost…but in the end- I remember the sweet special moments- riding a bus together- sharing silly laughs- our family “inside jokes”… our traditions….teens and a dad JUST off a rollercoaster- hootin and hollering- or soaked after the Kali River Rapids ride—-

Is it really about the place? Is it really about the expense? Nope.

We have th experience each year when we go to Traverse City as well- it’s a place we go together- (actually with my Mom and Step Dad—) We have OUR spots- we get cranky- wanting to do everything- and then later satisfied with what we did…..

I have to admit- Traverse CIty is easier to transition to—-there isn’t the HUGE amount of expense involved- or the “PARK hours and crowd to deal with”…. but the memories are just as precious—-

I suppose the same is true for families all over—- struggling to get away- to be together- and to enjoy it. Without killing each other—and yes- there were moments— (I always have them..) where I KNOW I said stupid things- like shut up and ride the pooh bear ride- it’s our SPECIAL thing— (totally forgetting that the pooh bear ride doesn’t fit a teens idea of special- ANYTHING! )

Over all- I think I’m learning to be thankful for the time we have together- whether in the Happiest Place on Earth– or here in Canton, Mi…….I have to make the same choices where ever we are…. I face the same struggles—- am I going to enjoy the moment I have- or be CRANKY because of my pre-conceived notions- of what those moments SHOULD be, or what effort/cost should be involved.and what return I expect….?

It was worth it. A week away- without work- without laundry… without the tension of regular life…. it was good- I learned a lot- and was reminded of something impportant… I LIKE my KIDS. ( Sometimes I want to kill them- but I really do LIKE my whole family. They’re smart- thoughtful- opinionated… and unique.

I love them.

Next year- regardless of where we go for vacation—-I WILL NOT get caught up- in the dollar/return trap—-(I hope!)

(Dear Lord- I thank you for a great family- I love each one so much…I’ll miss them as they go back to work and school….(mostly) Help us to hold those moments in our hearts- the time we had together- please use it to bind us together- and strengthen us- and Lord- about those pictures where I look FAT… could you do something about that? kidding Lord- I love you- and am glad you love me—-fat and cranky- or thin and thankful- amen.)

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7:20 PM

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January 07
Questionaire time again…
SP 7 Questionnaire…..

1. Are you a yarn snob (do you prefer higher quality and/or natural fibers)? Do you avoid Red Heart and Lion Brand? Yeah- pretty much. ( really just like SOFT natural fibers- but I guess that qualifies..) 2. Do you spin? Crochet? I TRY to spin- but pretty much make KNOTS at this point- just not getting the tension thing-but it’s now a QUEST. I WILL Learn. 3. What do you use to store your needles/hooks in? Pretty cool needle rolls my SIL makes— love knitting bags- so keep them there too—-4. How long have you been knitting? Would you consider your skill level to be beginner, intermediate or advanced? A year and a half- probably intermediate. but love to learn new techniques…5. Do you have an Amazon or other online wish list? yep6. What’s your favorite scent? (for candles, bath products etc.) lavander, vanilla-berry… rose7. Do you have a sweet tooth? Favorite candy? Dark chocolate. and am a truffle snob too- i’m afraid..8. What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do? Previously crosstitched.. but consumed with knitting now—- and accomplishing spinning I suppose. LOVE Photography- and do some scrapbooking- (need to get caught up on that—) 9. What kind of music do you like? Can your computer/stereo play MP3s? (if your buddy wants to make you a CD) Contemp CHristian- I guess. Switchfoot- Third Day is my fav group—-Matt Redmond- Crowder Band….10. What’s your favorite color? Or–do you have a color family/season/palette you prefer? Any colors you just can’t stand? LikenJewel tones- hate yellow- not sure why…..
11. What is your family situation? Do you have any pets? Married- 17 yrs! 16 yr old 13 yr old and (Surprise) 3 1/2 year old…. BOYS.12. Do you wear scarves, hats, mittens or ponchos? scarves- mittens- Wraps- (stole shape pref) Umm ponchos- they would point to my Butt.. I avoid that at this point Hats are cute- but- ummm they mess my hair- so i buy them and make them and don’t WEAR them….(earmuffs though-) 13. What is/are your favorite yarn/s to knit with? KSH crack… malabrigo- is my ALL time favorite wool… SOFT…. anything soft- and prefer natural fibers—love knitpicks. 14. What fibers do you absolutely *not* like? Itchy or not soft stuff….not big on novelty yarns- except maybe for a bit of trim…15. What is/are your current knitting obsession/s?- finishing clapotis #4…. NON Christmas Knitting…….read: knitting for myself….16. What is/are your favorite item/s to knit? I’m a moody knitter- ( I moody in general- ask my family) depends on how I feel- I keep lots of projects going— small ,med and large—complex- simple etc….pretty much ADHD when it comes to knitting project choices.17. What are you knitting right now? all of the above… a pair of socks- in koigu- (did i mention I Love koigu?) a Clapotis in Malabrigo- Purple Mystery—- a Scarf in Falling leaves in handpaint cashmere is blocking….. and STILL working on finishing Tempting by… told ya- ADHD.18. Do you like to receive handmade gifts? Absolutely. 19. Do you prefer straight or circular needles? rt tool for the project.20. Bamboo, aluminum, plastic? wood- like cool hand made needles- beaded etc….lantern moons are afav… and have denise- and plymouth circ interchang sets—21. Do you own a yarn winder and/or swift? yes- I love them— so do my kids and DH!22. How did you learn to knit? Online- books etc.23. How old is your oldest UFO? 1 1/2 yrs…. abt- prob24. What is your favorite animated character or a favorite animal/bird? Thumper- Lady and the Tramp… Chocolat kitty…. prob about it— 25. What is your favorite holiday? The next one- always. (Christmas and Easter- and Thanksgiving) 26. Is there anything that you collect? Longaberger baskets- they double as dog chew toys—() knittiing bags- needles yarn- patterns- stitch markers- love stitch markers to match my projects- do shoes count? How about Books? probably collect them as well….27. What knitting magazine subscriptions do you have? none- sadly.28. Any books, yarns, needles or patterns out there you are dying to get your hands on? LOVE to try quivit. LOVE to try the Holz and Stein circs… or straights…(I just can’t get them anywhere) Love a lot of Fiber trends patterns—29. Are there any new techniques you’d like to learn? Better at lace—-still want to make KIRI or BIRCH have both patterns- am just being a procrastinating fearful DORK about it….probably need to learn better colorwork…intarsia… fairisle. etc…30. Are you a sock knitter? What are your foot measurements? yes I am… I’m a 6 1/2 so pretty small- will measure later- (knit socks on vacation- see pics) 31. When is your birthday? (mm/dd) 8/31

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8:52 PM

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January 06
Are you afraid of the Dark???? Maybe just a little…..
Pictures tell stories- much more than meets the eye- todays tells an interesting one—

There’s not much to it – on the surface. Just a little guy cuddled up next to his big Dad. Shot from behind- by Mom. (Yeah- thats me.)

Whats interesting is what you can’t see- the moments leading up to the shot—- of Noah ( my little guy) telling Daddy- ( my big guy) he was scared—–of the dark- of the Pirates (of the Caribbean- yes- yet another vacation pic snuck in for you…) of pretty much everything. But not so much now, huh? Not in this captured moment.

That’s what I thought was interesting. Somehow, just by being with his Dad he felt safe- and he even enjoyed the dark and the Pirates….. (mostly)

I think too often Christians are afraid of the dark. It’s true- the world is pretty dark. It is not always safe- for us our families friends or children. But maybe- if we curled up in our Father’s lap- and let him point out the sights- we wouldn’t be so scared….

Maybe we could even bring a few “flashes” of light into the dark…….

The truth is- I’ve been one of those Christians- I’ve wanted to protect myself- and my kids from “the dark” (whatever that is…) I’ve made some decisions to try to protect them—and honestly- they haven’t worked. Somehow the dark finds it’s way in- thru all of my “shelters”.

I’m trying a new approach now- (ok- have been for a while……actually) Instead of constantly trying to pull back- and protect- I’m trying to teach my kids to see the dark places and the pirates for what they are… and to view them from the only real safe place- Our Father’s lap. I want to have the courage to bring a little “Twinkle” of light- into the dark with me—–and share it. And, when I don’t have the courage- I want to do it ANYWAY!

Dear Lord- I ask that you help me- I believe the world IS a dark place- but it’s also full of people you love and created, please help me to climb up into your lap- with the tiny light I have and share it- instead of trying to hide from the dark. I love you Lord- thank you for always being with me- much better than being on any Disney designed ride! amen.


This little light of mineI’m going to let it shineOh, this little light of mine I’m going to let it shineHallelujahThis little light of mineI’m going to let it shineLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine
Ev’ry where I goI’m going to let it shineOh, ev’ry where I goI’m going to let it shineHallelujahEv’ry where I goI’m going to let it shineLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine
All in my houseI’m going to let it shineOh, all in my houseI’m going to let it shineHallelujahAll in my houseI’m going to let it shineLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine
I’m not going to make it shineI’m just going to let it shineI’m not going to make it shineI’m just going to let it shineHallelujahI’m not going to make it shineI’m just going to let it shineLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine
Out in the darkI’m going to let it shineOh, out in the darkI’m going to let it shineHallelujahOut in the darkI’m going to let it shineLet it shine, let it shine, let it shine