You’ve entered the NEW
Zit of the Month Club!
Membership includes:
  • One painful, large to supersize zit, of varying styles and colors, delivered straight to your face each month, while you sleep, and guaranteed to be just in time for your special ocassion and or “period of discomfort and malaise.” AKA: your monthly.
  • Special bonus with purchase! A parade of zitless faces to compare yours too.
  • A strong obsession with trying every concotion, natural and otherwise, to remove said zit.
  • A simple way to identify other group members. (just check the nose and forehead- for the special members only “mark” )

I’m a lifetime -charter member. This is not something I signed up for. It must have been part of my genetic inheritance. It’s also not something I expected. I remember thinking as a teen… “someday my zit will go”.. (usually sung to the tune of Disney’s “Someday my Prince will Come”) They didn’t.

I heard rumors that adulthood meant perfect skin. A lie.

I heard rumors that chilbearing (hate that word) led to perfect skin. Another lie.

I heard rumors that:

Retin- A, Proactiv, Clearasil, removing make-up, sleeping on a clean pillow case, taking antibiotics, etc… would lead to perfect skin.

All lies.

The truth is— I am a lifetime member in the zit of the month club. Every month- a single (though sometimes there are small “bonus zits” included as an extra incentive) large, painful, strategically placed,( usually mid forehead, nose or chin) prominent zit arrives.

Colors may vary from fuschia (usually a favorite of mine) to deep bruise colored, glowing violet. The zits can be expected to last about 2 weeks with proper care. (or, none at all) After which, the scar will slowly fade, just in time for next months fresh shipment to arrive!

As I close in on “40” ( at least I have another year to ready myself for that one;) I am coming to realize that, I will:

Go straight from years of puberty to 20+ years of PMS

Straight from PMS to Peri and finally, full on menopause. All of which will and have included my membership.

After menopause? I don’t know- I’m hoping my membership will expire… although- let’s face it… it’s not looking good!

The cost of this Zit of the Month Club?

Hmmmm Prices may vary with your membership package-(pubescent, PMS and Menopausal pkgs are yours to choose) but generally are linked to fertility. (although certainly not necessary- as – many are members , sadly, (or not) without the benefit of fertility. My tubes are tied and fertility is no longer a possible price)

(actually, when I use it regularly, the Retin A does help….but, it isn’t covered by insurance for women of my age..(yeah thats DUMB) AND, it also leaves my skin feeling the crispy/peely parts of a fried egg for a couple of weeks- which is a 50/50 toss up in my opinion;)

This post brought to you by our sponsors: Puberty, PMS and PMDD and Menopause. (AKA the unholy alliance of hormones)

Dear Lord- there are so much more important things to be concerned about…
and truly- I am thankful to be a woman… with all that entails… but the zit
thing? could you cancel my membership? Please?

Either way- loving and serving
you… amen.

*pictures removed for my vanity…and your emotional protection. **