H1N1. HINI. hini. = HINEY. get it? I’d say it was the fever, but I’m this lame when I’m not sick, so it prolly won’t work.
We’ve been nailed with a wheezing, coughing, fuzzy headed attack of the piggy flu. It is not pleasant. But, we’ll live.
Interesting things about H1N1-
1) It makes your brain (let’s hope temporarily) not work. I can’t seem to knit a simple pattern, or read a book.
2) Moving your eye-balls can hurt. (Who knew?)
3) You can feel like you are drowning ON LAND. WHEN YOU COUGH. Ugh.
4) Having a fever and cough now wins you the doctors office bonus prize: you get a shiney new mask to wear and get ushered into a special room and get to use a special exit… it’s a little like being a celeb- but not.
5) Its very hard to look cool in a yellow mask.
Even if you forget to remove your sunglasses.
We know because we tried.
6) Once in the doctors office- you will be left to entertain yourself for countless hours. (OK, maybe minutes that feel like hours) try “exam table yoga” it worked for Noah.
7) Coughing in public does not gain you pity, as you’d expect. It gains you glares like daggers being thrown in your direction. (I wonder if this is what lepers feel/felt like?) Dodge them.
FYI: Explaining that you are the MOM and have to procure the elements of healing for your family (you know- ice cream, ibuprofen, ginger ale, hot tea and Thera-flu) will not help. If you want to avoid the glares- either carry a sign, saying: “I don’t have piggy flu, I have asthma. ” (ok- it’s exercise induced but not a LIE, exactly..) Or stifle your coughing until you pass out. Wearing the snazzy yellow mask to CVS does not make people feel more safe, it only makes them run screaming from the building. (well.. they looked like they wanted too:P)
8) The school will know as soon as they answer the attendance hotline, WHY you are calling, but you have to tell them anyways. PS They do not laugh if you just oink into the phone.
9) Your child will freak when they find out they have the swine flu. So will you. STOP. Take a deep breath. DEAL WITH IT. Do what the doctor says, then, throw some bacon in a pan and have an in your face piggy party.
It’s not time to panic- its time to be cautious. Stay home. Play games. Watch bad TV. Clean random items with bleach as a science experiment to see what melts and what survives…(maybe not.)
10) Remember that in the middle of the night, when the fever is climbing and you’re trying to decide whether you need to make yet another run to the ER.. you are not alone. Other moms have been there. Other families have beat the piggy flu, so can you.
Besides- He is with us- even in sickness and fear- “.. surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:10
Of course- I’d rather he be with us by keeping us from the piggy flu.. but if we have to be here.. I’m glad he is too:)
Dear Lord- I pray for anyone facing swine flu.. that you’d wrap your arms around them and comfort them, and guard their hearts from fear. I pray that you’d bring healing to each one.. whether its in the form of Tamiflu, prayer, a bowl of chicken soup or some ibuprofen and rest… I love you lord, and am glad to not be alone in this pig pen of flu… amen.
All that said… I’m still giggling between coughing fits……
H1N1.. HINI.. HINEY. Hee. I am 12.