Funny things about being a mom and having surgery (Or maybe just funny things about being me and having surgery..) :

1) Surgery means pre-surgical nesting. (I had no idea this existed- but the evidence is under my bathroom sink. I HAD to clean it out. No- I do not know why.And- if you looked under there- you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Bathroom sink vortex of crap. Thats what it is.)

2) I have washed every piece of laundry that wasn’t currently ON a person. Including a few things that were already clean, and I would have stripped my family naked and washed what they were wearing… but that would have been too awkward, even for me.

3) I may stay over night at the hospital-  I am packed for a week. Just. In. Case.

4) I have spent more time trying to figure out how to get my spanx on over an incision than is healthy. Bottom line: Won’t be happening. OY the muffin top  and bundt cake butt shall make their presence known.

5) Surgery involves wardrobe issues:

  • What shoes will I be able to wear post op? (slippers? Slip ons? )
  • How the heck will I put on my undies without bending my leg? ( I guess I’ll figure that out)
  • My non-mom jeans will not fit over the incision without pain..mom jeans may- but I’m not going there. :( (planning on: yoga pants, yoga capri’s, comfy shorts.Oh and I don’t do Yoga- so sue me.I need pilates pants. Just sayin.)

6) Surgery involves beauty dilemmas:

  • The hospital says: no makeup. Umm whatever- I’l be wearing mascara and some lipgloss and maybe a little concealer and blush. If I die- My family will need to identify my body. No make-up- no recognition. If I don’t die- I will have to look at myself… wouldn’t want to give myself a heart attack. (Ok it’s not really that bad:P)
  • No deodorant? That’s stupid. But, I’ll comply- it’s their noses, after-all.
  • I painted my toe nails. They didn’t SAY I couldn’t…. they are fuschia. (I’m wondering if they have to check the circulation via  nail color… oopsy too bad)

7) Surgery involves scheduling dilemmas:

  • My family prefers that I work this into their schedule… , the doc however- has her own schedule and she’s the boss.:P
  • Hubby may need to travel Thursday- Friday… umm we’ll see about that. I may be so drugged I won’t notice if he’s gone…
  • Friday, Noah has his school Halloween party- as a party helper mom- I suck. I did however, buy the ice cream cup things and will do my best to take them over… or send them in his back back so they can melt….but hey- I’ll have DONE IT.
  • Halloween is Sunday- no clue how I’ll be feeling by then. My college boys suggested I be the bionic bride of frankenstein-wear shorts-and let the scar show. (I love those boys.) For sure- I will be the drugged mom passing out candy on the porch…prolly not the only one- but it’s a first for me:P
  • We set a deadline of Oct 29 for the book proposal to be sent to my editor… This is the first writing deadline I’ve ever not met. :( It will go out as soon as the drugs wear off and I can think clearly. I’ve had to focus on getting through the cancer scare and get ready for surgery. Sometimes our plans have to change. I hate that.

8) Surgery involves frustration and fear:

  • I am not a fan of pain. I am about to have some, possibly alot. It’s weird to know that in advance. Also: it sucks.
  • I am already frustrated by my inability to do what I normally do… (I’m a mom- I do everything…. can I get an amen?) Surgery will make it worse. For a while. Not a fan of that, either.
  • Everything says I’ll be fine by this time tomorrow- but what if I’m not? (let’s not go here for very long…. but I’m human.. and my brain does…. it makes me pray more and hug my husband and kids more…)
  • My youngest is afraid… I hate to see him afraid, but we can’t avoid this…(the fractures have gotten worse) we need to get through it.  And we will.. together.
  • Worrying about my kids while I can’t be home….(yes even if they are big hairy men.. I’m still a mom.)

9) Surgery involves:

  • Needles. (I’m phobic- have written about it- use the search menu… not fun.)
  • Blood. (Contrary to my sometimes sparkly appearance.. I am not a vampire and don’t like blood. Squick.
  • Pain- which is NOT the enemy- but sometimes feels like it is.*
  • Public nudity. (ish) I mean really… why can’t they get black wrap dress-style surgical gowns?  So I wouldn’t feel like my business is on display and I could have some shred of dignity as they use a drill and screws to implant hardware into my leg????? I mean black would go better with silver… justsayin.
  • Scars. Most of my scars are invisible… this one will be visible:( bummer. But part of my journey.
  • Shaving my legs. I don’t even get to wear heels or a great outfit. (Which are the usual requirements for shaving them… :) LAME.

10) This surgery also involves:

  • people who love me and my family and who will help us get through this with dinners and help and their presence.
  • The hope of healing. Being in pain since the end of June has really sucked-  I’m ready to be healing, if not healed.
  • Really good drugs. I’m the daughter of an addict- I try to avoid all addictive meds to head off potential gene-pool snafus… but dude- when surgery’s involved-I’m the queen of meds.
  • Recovering. Getting better.
  • Time to think. (once the drugs wear off.)
  • Time to knit.
  • Focus. Having surgery brings your priorities into perspective.
  • Change. I’ll now have a bionic (ish) leg. How cool is that?  Looking forward, I’m exploring new exercise options… biking has potential… but we’ll see. The doc said I could be running again in a few months…. If I don’t over do it… which apparently I have trouble complying with…
  • All the  ingredients of living a better story… according to Don Miller...”a character, who has to overcome an obstacle to get what they want…” I want to walk without pain.. I want to run again. Forget that- I want to dance! I have to overcome fear (of surgery) doubt, trust God, rely on others (ouch, I ‘d so much rather be the helpful one)  and take the next steps… with the book proposal.. whether they are taken on crutches or not.

I’ll see you after the surgery- appreciate your prayers;)

*** Pain is not the enemy- A quote from a good friend and brilliant counselor and pastor— pain has a place in our lives- it is necessary (keeps us from doing more harm, and lets us know when something is wrong) and also is part of the healing process- it’s not something to try to avoid at all costs….

“dear lord- I’m not the only one facing surgery right now… I’m not the only one with fears and frustrations and doubts… I pray that you’d bring your peace and healing to all those in need- and that we’d each live a better story by walking through our painful times instead of trying to avoid them…sometimes pain is the obstacle we have to overcome….I pray for all the details….  I love you lord… oh .. and please make sure they do the LEFT leg… ok?  Going through all this on the one thats fine would seriously tick me off… amen…

** For new readers- I’m having surgery for stress fractures that happened while running- at the end of June.. It’s been a long, painful summer. They’ll be placing some hardware in to make my tibia behave;) I’ll be bionic!