I can’t remember the last time I could hear the rain dropping. Today. I can. There are no video games to drown out it’s patter. There are no male voices of varied ages arguing, talking and laughing, it is quiet. Quiet enough to hear my tears drip through the waterproof mascara I’m wearing today. Drip- drip go the bittersweet tears of joy and sadness.

For the first time in years, everyone is off to school. One in college- one starting his senior year of high school.. and the youngest, his first day of second grade. As a previous homeschooler- it’s his first day of going to school, at all.  After a noisy morning of preparation, it is now, QUIET.

Questions roll like occasional thunder claps through my mind… “Are they ready? Will they adjust? “Are they: making friends, hungry, prepared?” “Have I done too much, or not enough?”

I let the questions roll by. They aren’t harmful.. just noise, echoes. The lightening has already struck. I’ve done what I can to prepared and equip them, I’ve made my decisions about what’s in their best interests and have released them into their futures, fortunately- God has already been there- and knows what is ahead.  Where I can’t be with them, to protect guide and direct, He will.    I’m good with that– He tends to know what’s right and how to make the best of what isn’t.

Dear Lord, Thank you for each teacher and professor  fellow student and friend you’ve brought into my boy’s lives, I thank you for the adventure each one is on, and the journey you are leading them on.  Be with them, guide and direct, but most of all- Lord, be wit h them- regardless of what happens.  I love you and trust you- amen.

take the survey- and get a chance to win a starbucks gift card!

SURVEY LINK!

taking a few minutes to think about what my core issues are helps me to decide what I should focus energy on… this will benefit you as well as the surveyors:)

and just so you know I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth– here’s a pic of where I’ve been- CAMPING!

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I could almost hear the “CLANG” of a prison door closing as I struggled to pull the blanket over my shoulders.  I had to push the cell-mate’s bulk from the top of the covers in order to accomplish this goal.  My cellmate growled in response. 

Throughout the long night more and more cellmates joined us.  Overcrowded doesn’t begin to describe iyt.  One snored, like a chainsaw.  One who slept much like Chuck Norris practicing for a new role…. “HI-YA!  Ka-chop! Roundhouse kick to the head!”

Bedtime is feeling more and more like a dangerous over-crowded prison. (Why am I usually the one kicked in the face or awaking to dog breath?)  Eventually- I just give up and sleep at the other end of the bed (feet take up less space than heads and bodys…) or, I go down to the couch.  I am not sure how this has happened- but every night- a giant beagle and a 6 year old at some point wander in.  As soon as they do- the queen sized bed- turns into a cramped prison cell.

I am almost  considering adding razor wire or at least a night watchman to the decorating scheme! 

I’m using a marble jar for a reward system for the 6 year old- We’ll see how that works.  So far?  He’s willing to give up  “a mable in the jar” for  a roundhouse kick to mom’s head.  The beagle could be crated… but who can sleep to beagle crying?   I could just buy a bigger bed… I’m so tired- that a bigger bed sounds easier!

It doesn’t take a huge drop- for my stomach to flip flop, just the IDEA of one, does that for me.  It’s true.  I admit it.  I am afraid of rollercoasters.  I have always joked… “Why would I pay money to ride something to make me throw up?  I could just eat bad chicken, if I want to do that…” 

I am the woman you’ve seen before- clutching the person next to me (whether I know them or not) and bracing myself with my legs.  Sure- I’m screaming— but not with laughter like those around me… I’m screaming in terror. Not my idea of fun.  I am the white-knuckle queen.  Even on the kiddie rides, crazy- but true.  My kids think its’ hilarious.

I wish I wasn’t the white-knuckle queen.  I wish I could throw my hands up and laugh…enjoying the ride and thrilled by the adventure. Instead of being hunkered down and leaving the ride sore- in body and soul. Sure- I am relieved (that I’m still alive) and usually laugh when it’s over.  But still.  SCARED.

Why?  Why do my kids love these rides while I cower and whine?  I’m not sure.  Maybe I’ve watched too many news stories… maybe, it’s because I like CONTROL.  (a lot) Maybe it’s just an irrational (although arguably -so) fear.  Maybe I’m just a big fraidy cat.  But, No- I don’t really think so.   I’m not really afraid of everything…maybe… just needles, and rollercoasters and maybe the dentist, a little.  But not *everything*.

Most things- I see as an adventure.  Complete with bumps and thrills… I love travel to new places and meeting new people.  I love trying and learning new things.  I love being stretched and grown, socially, culturally, emotionally, cognitively. Adventures- all of them.  But, not rollercoasters?  NO WAY.  I see the looming metal or wooden structures and my hands start to sweat, I feel them clench into fists and my jaw tightens.

Every once in a while.. I run into a similar situalion in my journey with God.. something looming on the horizon, that I know will have near misses and places where it will feel like the bottom will fall out from under me… rollercoasters of faith. I used to tense up at the thought of them.  Hands sweaty… jaw-clenched. But over the years— I’ve ridden the rollercoaster of faith- enough to trust and wait for the ride to “come to a full and complete stop, keeping hands and feet inside the ride” and eventually… it does. 

I’ve had bumpy rides.  I’ve faced struggles and pain… but I’ve never been thrown from the ride.  Sometimes.. I even enjoy it.  Over the years… on lots of rides of faith both HUGE and kiddies…I’ve learned to trust the ride attendant.  Sometimes, I even enjoy it!

Maybe— I just need to ride MORE rollercoasters….

This years MOPS International Theme is Adventures in Motherhood  sounds like a great opportunity to learn to enjoy the ride:)

(PS- of course I love this theme… I’ve been blogging it for years:)