Due to the death of my grandmother- I’m reposting articles this week… I hope they touch you in some way during this Christmas season.

She’s lonely. She’s bored. She’s depressed and feeling useless.

And I feel… well…helpless and frustrated with a side order of confused.  I just don’t get it.  the truth is, there are answers to most of her issues- just outside her door. If she’d open it, that is, which she will not.

After a collapse and a month in the hospital, our family had to transfer my grandmother to an assisted living center.  We  knew she wouldn’t be a fan, but thought she’d adjust, in time.  We carefully packed up things to help her feel at home and set up her new apartment. It didn’t help.

It’s a beautiful place, the staff is terrific, her  neighbors are great and welcoming, but it isn’t home.  She wants to go home.  The families goal is to get her  home.. but- we honestly don’t know if or when, that can happen.  It’s hard to see her so upset.  It’s hard to not have any answers about when she can go home.

It’s also frustrating knowing that she COULD make the best of it, but isn’t.  It’s hard to know that she doesn’t HAVE to be lonely, but is.  It’s hard to know that it’s for the best and necessary and that she hates it anyways. It feels like ramming your head into a wall trying to convince her to try and connect. It’s sad to see her answer the door when someone knocks only to hold the door at a crack and speak through it instead of going out or inviting someone in. It’s hard for everyone, but especially for gramma.

“It isn’t home. ” Is all she can say, when we try to talk her into making the best of it… She’s right of course, it isn’t home.

While driving back from a recent visit, I felt overwhelmed, afraid and frustrated.  I cried out to God:  (ok, I yelled at him.. I do that sometimes…) “I don’t get it!  She doesn’t HAVE to be miserable! Why is she being so stubborn?  It’s hurting HER!  All she has to do is open the door!  I don’t get it!”

“You don’t? Are you sure?”  Was the un-expected response.  Since no one else was in the car.. I knew that either my conscience or my God had spoken.  Either way.. I also knew the voice was right.  I DO get it.

I’ve been there, on the other side of the door, refusing to open it.

Until a few years ago, we’d been a very active part of a local church.  We loved our church.  We loved the people and the ministry that God had called us to while there.  It was an integral part of our lives. Sadly, things happened and we had to leave.

Since- we’ve visited several churches…but just haven’t found a place to call “home.”  We’ve spent several months at churches.. visiting- getting to know people.. and then leaving, because it wasn’t Home.

On that drive.. I realized I’ve been acting a lot like my gramma. Standing behind a closed door- talking to people through the cracked door with the chain on. Maybe it’s time for me to stop being so stubborn, make the best of it even if it’s not “home” and open the door.

Maybe- just maybe I’ll find I’m already at my new home… all I have to do is open the door.. maybe that’s all you have to do too.

Mommy v1.0 was released 12/13/89 (the day my oldest was born) – she was the beta version-  & had a lot of bugs to work out with the new tools she was running.  There were questions whether she should have released Mommy 1.0 or not but she let the software engineer determine the readiness, and the engineer used the early release to improve later versions.

Mommy v2.0 was a slightly better prepared release.  (8/8/92- my middle son’s b-day), but still needed to work out some bugs with multi- tasking and occasional system crashes.

The Mommy v3.0, release (when the older 2 boys went to school) was bumpy, as the previous updates needed a reinstall. Mommy v3.0 ran fairly well with the changes and a system re-boot.  She discovered new tools that she hadn’t had previously like conflict resolution and improved trust capabilities.

Mommy v4.0 was a total surprise release. The Software engineers kept the update under wraps for quite sometime before alerting the end users. However- March of 2002 turned out to be the perfect time to release v4.0 (with Noah’s Birth.) This version was a much smoother implementation- the new version was solidly based on previous updates.  Of course- it held it’s own challenges- but in general the release went well.

I feel like I’m about to be upgraded.  It makes me both a little nervous and excited. Nervous, because I know there are bound to be glitches along with the implementation and excited, because I know I’ll have a new tool bar when it’s completed. I’m not talking about my laptop… I’m talking about my mommy-hardware, my life is changing.

Rumors have it, that Mommy v5.0 is in the works, with an expected release date of September, 2009. The Software engineer is keeping the details of the update in strictest confidence, but as each new version has improved both the platform and the end- users experience, it is expected to be both well recieved, and to have the occasional bug to work out after it’s release.

MommySoft appreciates your patience as we prepare for this new release, and looks forward to serving you in the future, with its new tools!

My oldest is in college, my middle is graduating High School this year and my youngest will start school full-time in the fall… CHANGE is COMING!  To be honest- I don’t know exactly what the changes will look like in my day to day life.  But I know this– when “hardware” changes have happened in the past– God has always used them to update my “software”.

It seems like everytime my laptop updates.. there is a short period of chaos and problems, until the bugs are worked out. My Mommy hard drive goes through something similar.

When life changes- so does a Mom. With each change she has a choice.. to either click the “install updates now” button, or ignore it.  I’ve done both. Sometimes risking system failure or security breach because I was afraid it may be another “phishing” scam not an actual good change.. and sometimes because I don’t see a need to change anything because things seem to be running just FINE.

I mean.. why risk an update when there are bound to be glitches along with the improvements? he answer is the same for Moms as it is for software.. because the new tools and improvements are worth the risk.

Like most mom’s I’ve experienced my share of changes: Childbirth, weaning, walking, potty training, addition of children to the family, moving, job changes, moving, kids starting school, changing schools,income changes, church changes, kids graduating and entering college. The list is infinite. Mothering changes daily.

Click  for more and to see my ever changing family.. (more…)