(Re-post)

How insecure did I feel?  Insecure enough to:

1)   Wear two pair of Spanx.(Caution: layering of Spanx may cause lack of oxygen to the brain.)

2)   Spend more time applying mascara than I spent on homework in ALL of high school.

3)   Use a forklift to hoist the girls back to their pre-baby positions and hold them there with a bra whose straps could be used as suspension bridge cables.

4)   Wear a black sundress to a party on the beach. (Black and sundress, is an oxymoron. )

5)   Buy a new pair of shoes on the way to the party,(literally)  because I was convinced the black, strappy sandals I’d brought be would social suicide.

Yes, that insecure. No matter how many of these “events” I go to, I feel the same way: ANXIOUS.  People and place may change, but the nervous chatter in my head is a constant.

“Do I look too fat? Do I have anything stuck in my teeth? Enough perfume?  Too much perfume? What if I say something stupid? What is his name again? Am I over -dressed?  Am I under-dressed?  I hope I’m not too loud, Why can’t I get the flu and get out of this?”

Another thing that stays the same: I never get the flu. (click to read more)

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I’m a mommy-bigot.   I hate it, but, it’s true.

oh my it's real

For the most part my bigotry is centered on mommy’s choices, preferences and lifestyles. I am prejudiced.  A bigot of Mommy-sorts. (I pre-judge others.)

It’s like I have a Google indexing program running in my brain.  For the most part my Google-fu is amazing… but it’s way off, when it comes to moms.

It works like this: I see a mom, sum her up in a searchable word (SAHM, Working, Home Schooler, Tatted.. etc) and my brain pops up a list of  “top results” (prejudices/assumptions/related searches) And “related” searches….

Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes, not so much.  They look a little like this:

Goth-mom- Top Results: Possibly a Mompire, prefers black fingernail polish, reads Edgar Allen Poe to children at bedtime.

Related searches: Bat baby mobiles, faux fang pacifiers. Current reading: Potty Training after Dark…. (more…)